///hear me roar///

Wednesday, October 09, 2002

I've been getting better. Slowly but surely. I think more slowly than surely, but at least it's something. I've come to some conclusions in the last week and a half. One is that I'll never get over Dan. Even if I go on, find someone else to love, have children, etc etc... I'll always love Dan, he'll always have a place in my heart, in my soul. I hope, but don't think, it's the same for him.

As for regular life, things have been going pretty well. Sunday during the day I went to Aparna's... we watched a movie and ate some Gumby's Pizza. We watched "Death to Smoochy"... I had never even heard of it, and it was really freakin strange, hehe. But it gave me a few laughs, and that's all I was after :) That evening, I hung out with Sandra and some of her friends and ate homemade veggie lasagna. That was very yummy :) And talked a ton about Johen Vasquez and his comics, mainly "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac"... it was great, but it made me upset because Dan introduced me to Johen and his work... and Dan loves him, so I couldn't help thinking about that boy. *sigh*

Monday night I invited Jeff to my place and I cooked dinner! I made something called "Taco Pie", it's kinda like a caserole of sorts. It was really yummy. So me, him, and my roommate, Anita, all ate and watched "American Beauty". Then we went to Books-A-Million ... it was a fun night...

Right now my kittens are over at Aparna and Krissy's... The Foxridge people are doing inspections in our building sometime during the 9th - 11th, and we're not supposed to have so many cats. I miss them like crazy though, ugh... Especially at night, when they usually are on my bed and curl up with me :-/ I just keep telling myself, it's only a couple of days...

I miss Dan. I miss him a lot. And my overwhelming grief and anger have turned into frustration. I'm frustrated that he can't be my friend. Actually, I guess some of that anger is still there. He's always said we'd remain friends, but the more time that goes by, and the happier his away messages seem (yes, I'm guilty of this, and I don't care), the more I think that he'll realize how much happier he is without me and just never contact me. The thought of losing him forever is awful. We get along so well on so many different levels -- We know so much about each other, probably more than anyone else -- We've shared so many happy moments together in the last 1.5 years -- Does it make any sense to throw all that away and not be friends??


P.S. -- I'm going through a lot!!! If you read this, POST SOMETHING! Anything!!
Jessica 10:57 AM