///hear me roar///

Saturday, October 05, 2002

OK so I couldn't stay away. Sue me.

But now that everyone thinks I'm done blogging, I'm sure to not get any traffic, heh. And I don't know why all of my posts after the last one are a shade lighter and whatnot. It happened after adding the new commenting system, and I can't find the error. Oh well.

Things here are hard. As I'm sure everyone who reads this knows, Dan dumped me. Yes, yes, it was a shock to everyone. "You two seemed so happy together!", "I thought you guys would be together forever!", "But you two are so perfect together!", yadda yadda yadda. I thought all of these things too. However, he apparently did not. And this time the break up is for good. No getting back together this time. Hell, he won't even talk to me. *sigh*

I'm entering into that pissed stage. Pissed that he could throw this away (the contact in general, not the relationship), pissed that he can pretend I don't exist. I don't want to be mad at him. He never did a thing wrong to me. And I love that boy more than anything else, I'm completely in love with him. But I've still got those creeping feelings of anger. Everyone says they're natural after a break up. But I'm bigger than that, and I really don't want to be angry.

I want to be friends with him. Damnit, just casual "How was your day?" friends. I can't even have that. It's all out of my hands and he's in complete control. And I don't like that either.

What really sucks is that I haven't only lost him. I've lost a family. I love that boy's family to death. All of them... I've gone on vacations with them, they made my 20th birthday bearable, they included me in family Christmas, even took me to see Lion King on broadway. His parents feel like second parents, his sisters feel like the sisters I never had. And just like that, they're gone. I fucking miss them almost as much as I miss him.

I'll stop here, before I ramble on and say more than I care for people to know. I probably already have.

Final note: I miss him. Not in an intimate sense. I miss just being in his company. He's truely a great guy, and I'm missing out on that. And here come those creeping anger feelings again...
Jessica 8:49 AM