///hear me roar///

Monday, August 13, 2001

god... yesterday was absolutely awful... new york was nice, by the way, but i'll elaborate on that later. i'm not really in the mood to be happy about much. so we come home from ny, and there's this big envelope for me, adam forwarded all my mail to me. one thing was a letter from tech. since i failed last semester, they have retracted all my financial aid. so, no school for jessica. there's a way to appeal it, but it has to be within 30 days of the letter i got. and i have to call all these people, and get copies of all this stuff mailed to me, and then i have to mail it to people, and i know there's no way in hell for all this to happen in 30 days. and its very clear that they will *not* accept any appeal that reaches them past 30 days from the date of the letter. so basically, i'm totally fucked. and i was really looking forward to this semester, too!! i have no idea where i'm going to go, or what i'm going to do, where will i live? where will i work? my on campus job is only there if i'm a student. everything was going so well, and i was actually enjoying happiness, only to have it fucked up. god damn it! *sigh*

on top of that (if that isn't enough to send me into depression again), i found out last night from my mom that one of my uncles on my dad's side has a terminal tumor in his brain. he's dieing. he'll be dead before xmas. now, i haven't seen him in quite awhile, but when i was younger, he meant the world to me, i really looked up to him. he's so young, only 37. and he's dieing. i suddenly miss him more than usual... not surprising i guess. and there are already being plans made for the funeral! isn't that morbid? i mean, i guess it has to be done, but damn it, he's not dead *yet*!! uuughhh.

so yeah, basically, i'm really depressed right now. i think i'll go jump off a building.


Jessica 7:33 AM