///hear me roar///

Thursday, September 20, 2001

wow, i haven't blogged in ages. jesus, and so much is going on/has gone on. mostly, the attacks that happened last tuesday. i swear, i haven't been affected like that in a very, very long time. i know i'll always remember that day. i got up for my 9:30 class, as usual, and got ready and showered and all that. i had a sleeping dan in my bed, b/c he had spent the night. right before going to class, someone on irc said something about a plane hitting the world trade center. i thought that was pretty crazy, but thought it was just a freak airplane accident. i remember nudging dan awake to tell him. he mumbled at me, said "it'll stand, its made for that, don't worry" and rolled over to go back to sleep. just before i left, someone said something about two planes hitting. i pretty much dismissed this and went on to class. i came back to hell. from that point on, i know i'm a changed person. i came back to see everyone talking about the terrorist attacks, and the pentagon collapsing, and various other awful rumors and truths. i woke dan up, and told him what was going on. he immediately sprang out of bed, and we went to every news site we could think of, but they were all down, they all had too much traffic. there was a rumor that a car bomb went off at the state department. where dan's dad works. his sister works in the national gallery of art. his family lives literally 3 minutes from the pentagon. they are like my own family, and i eventually ended up in tears in dan's arms. he called his family, and after much worrying and uncertainty, everyone finally made it home ok. we then went to sarika's to watch the events unfolding on cnn (i don't have a tv). the rest of the day my mind was very cloudy. it still is, in a lot of ways. i have cried a lot of tears over this, even though i don't personally know anyone directly affected. i have taken this entire thing very hard. i can't comprehend, i can't understand, i don't know what to do or where to turn. dan says its because i'm such a sensitive person, and i suppose there's a lot of truth to that. i'm starting to see my sensitivity as a curse. everyone tells me to calm down, because there's nothing i can do about it. but i can't help being upset about this whole thing, all the lives lost and families affected. i wrote a poem a couple days ago about how i feel, how people see me:


the sensitive soul is one who weeps
for those it knows not and keeps
a picture of reality harsh and real
always questioning death's next meal
the motives of evil are unknown
a mystery no matter what it's shown
it can't make right acts of spite
wanting the knot of the world to be tight
the sensitive soul is one thought weak
but is the one the strong will seek
-2001.09.20

i think i'll write more lately about what's going on in my life, but not right now.


Jessica 7:14 PM