///hear me roar///

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

Just when things seem at their worse in pretty much every way... Along comes something that just knocks you back. Some of you will I'm sure laugh at me for the affect this has on me... but oh well, it's who I am.

Last night when I came home Arwen (female kitty) was laying in my closet, not a usual place for her. My roommate told me that she had been there for hours. So I get her out, and set her on the floor. She won't walk... she finally takes a couple of steps, and she won't put any weight on one back leg. I freak out, of course. I call three different emergency vets, they all say she can wait. So I have no choice but to make her comfortable and wait.

This morning my wonderful roommate took her to the vet, while I was at class. I took my cell phone and was in contact with everyone between classes. Turns out my baby girl tore the tendons that hold her knee cap in place. It's pretty much just floating around in there. It's very uncomfortable and painful for her. She has to go into surgery tomorrow morning. She's six months old. *sigh* I went and visited her a little while ago, and I'm going back tomorrow after surgery.

The thought of her there, at the clinic, in a little cage... all night... alone... it KILLS me. I can hardly bare it. And it's not the same around here without her. She won't be home until Friday, at the earliest.

*sigh*
Jessica 3:16 PM

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

I know I havne't updated in a long time. I'm sorry about that. But that last post is just so transparent! I mean, there are some things I'm happy about, but I was trying too hard. Things have actually gotten worse between Dan and I, and I seriously doubt we'll ever talk again. And that really sucks, but I won't bore you with all the unnecessary details here. If you're reading this, you probably already know them anyway.

I'm going on with my life. I'm going to classes, doing homework, trying to hang out with the few friends I have. But there are still those really really awful days. There's still sadness hanging over everything, even my happiest moments. I'm starting to wonder if I ever will get better... I'm starting to think I won't.
Jessica 10:30 AM

Tuesday, October 15, 2002

I'm happy about some things.

I'm happy that my friend, Betsy, drove eight hours from New York just to visit me for a couple of days. We didn't really do anything interesting, but it was nice having her around, and it was just nice to see her again.

I'm happy that I'm finally in a great living situation, with a nice roommate and an awesome room and my own bathroom.

I'm happy that I've got two of the cutest, sweetest little kittens on the face of the planet. I'm happy that they also enjoy the living situation. They're so cute and cuddly, and keep me company when I need it most.

I'm happy that I'm young, pretty, intelligent, and making the most of all those things.

There's still sadness there, of course. It's kind of a grey film over everything. But I have to learn to look at the good things in my life, and smile sometimes... :)
Jessica 7:35 AM

Friday, October 11, 2002

Wednesday night Dan flagged me down after class. We talked for a long time, it felt really great to talk to him again. It was hard not to reach out to him though, not to touch him, to kiss him. But I think I did well. I only started crying twice, and I saw the tears well up in his eyes too. We talked about everything... life in general, what we've been up to... the break-up, us... etc. I'm glad he's talking to me again. But we're not going to hang out just yet... only talking for now I guess. He's making the rules, I'm following them.

I honestly think this is stupid. I think him and I are great for each other. I think he's making one of the biggest mistakes of his life by throwing away everything he had with me, instead of trying to make it work. It pisses me off, because not only is he hurting himself, he's hurting me, too... and that's not fair. I think he'll regret this...

My kitties are back with me. Although I wouldn't really know it because they aren't paying any attention to me. Oh well, that's cats for ya. I'm glad they're back here with me though.

I'm spending my Friday night at home, alone. And I'm not even doing anything productive. I need to start studying for Monday's OChem test, I need to finish unpacking... yet here I sit. Alone. Bored. Sad.


Jessica 6:36 PM

Wednesday, October 09, 2002

I've been getting better. Slowly but surely. I think more slowly than surely, but at least it's something. I've come to some conclusions in the last week and a half. One is that I'll never get over Dan. Even if I go on, find someone else to love, have children, etc etc... I'll always love Dan, he'll always have a place in my heart, in my soul. I hope, but don't think, it's the same for him.

As for regular life, things have been going pretty well. Sunday during the day I went to Aparna's... we watched a movie and ate some Gumby's Pizza. We watched "Death to Smoochy"... I had never even heard of it, and it was really freakin strange, hehe. But it gave me a few laughs, and that's all I was after :) That evening, I hung out with Sandra and some of her friends and ate homemade veggie lasagna. That was very yummy :) And talked a ton about Johen Vasquez and his comics, mainly "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac"... it was great, but it made me upset because Dan introduced me to Johen and his work... and Dan loves him, so I couldn't help thinking about that boy. *sigh*

Monday night I invited Jeff to my place and I cooked dinner! I made something called "Taco Pie", it's kinda like a caserole of sorts. It was really yummy. So me, him, and my roommate, Anita, all ate and watched "American Beauty". Then we went to Books-A-Million ... it was a fun night...

Right now my kittens are over at Aparna and Krissy's... The Foxridge people are doing inspections in our building sometime during the 9th - 11th, and we're not supposed to have so many cats. I miss them like crazy though, ugh... Especially at night, when they usually are on my bed and curl up with me :-/ I just keep telling myself, it's only a couple of days...

I miss Dan. I miss him a lot. And my overwhelming grief and anger have turned into frustration. I'm frustrated that he can't be my friend. Actually, I guess some of that anger is still there. He's always said we'd remain friends, but the more time that goes by, and the happier his away messages seem (yes, I'm guilty of this, and I don't care), the more I think that he'll realize how much happier he is without me and just never contact me. The thought of losing him forever is awful. We get along so well on so many different levels -- We know so much about each other, probably more than anyone else -- We've shared so many happy moments together in the last 1.5 years -- Does it make any sense to throw all that away and not be friends??


P.S. -- I'm going through a lot!!! If you read this, POST SOMETHING! Anything!!
Jessica 10:57 AM

Saturday, October 05, 2002

Well, I did good today as far as keeping distracted. This break-up is giving me a great chance to spend time with some friends. I had lunch at El Rodeo with Jeff, he paid. That was nice, we discussed his girlfriend most of the time though, and relationships are not my strong point in conversations right now! That's OK, I can't hold it against him that he's happy.

Then I went to dinner with someone I had never met in person before, just online. He was the single most boring person I've ever met. We went to BW3, and there were lots of loud TVs, which was great b/c we didn't have to talk much. After eating he wanted to hang out some more, but I told him I had obligations and got outta there, hehe.

This evening I went and saw "Red Dragon" with Wes and Aaron, two guys I haven't hung out with in a really long time. I was looking forward to seeing this movie with Dan, so I was a little reluctant at first. But it was a really awesome movie (Anthony Hopkins is sooooo creepy), and I enjoyed the company I was in. After the movie we went to IHOP and I ran into Travis. He was extremely shocked to hear about Dan and I. We agreed that we have to hang out more :) I ate a little, and we talked for awhile. I had a lot of fun, even though sadness was hanging over my head.

All in all it was a great day, I also got some stuff done around the house (need to finish up that laundry)... However, I was definitely sad all day long. It wasn't that all consuming awful crying sadness... but I was just sad. I miss Dan. I hope he figures out what he wants and what he needs to do, and contacts me soonish. I'd hate to lose him forever as a friend. Wes told me tonight that if he says he'll contact me when he's ready, it means he never will. But Dan's sincere, and we had something great... So I think it'll all be OK in the end...


Jessica 10:40 PM

OK so I couldn't stay away. Sue me.

But now that everyone thinks I'm done blogging, I'm sure to not get any traffic, heh. And I don't know why all of my posts after the last one are a shade lighter and whatnot. It happened after adding the new commenting system, and I can't find the error. Oh well.

Things here are hard. As I'm sure everyone who reads this knows, Dan dumped me. Yes, yes, it was a shock to everyone. "You two seemed so happy together!", "I thought you guys would be together forever!", "But you two are so perfect together!", yadda yadda yadda. I thought all of these things too. However, he apparently did not. And this time the break up is for good. No getting back together this time. Hell, he won't even talk to me. *sigh*

I'm entering into that pissed stage. Pissed that he could throw this away (the contact in general, not the relationship), pissed that he can pretend I don't exist. I don't want to be mad at him. He never did a thing wrong to me. And I love that boy more than anything else, I'm completely in love with him. But I've still got those creeping feelings of anger. Everyone says they're natural after a break up. But I'm bigger than that, and I really don't want to be angry.

I want to be friends with him. Damnit, just casual "How was your day?" friends. I can't even have that. It's all out of my hands and he's in complete control. And I don't like that either.

What really sucks is that I haven't only lost him. I've lost a family. I love that boy's family to death. All of them... I've gone on vacations with them, they made my 20th birthday bearable, they included me in family Christmas, even took me to see Lion King on broadway. His parents feel like second parents, his sisters feel like the sisters I never had. And just like that, they're gone. I fucking miss them almost as much as I miss him.

I'll stop here, before I ramble on and say more than I care for people to know. I probably already have.

Final note: I miss him. Not in an intimate sense. I miss just being in his company. He's truely a great guy, and I'm missing out on that. And here come those creeping anger feelings again...
Jessica 8:49 AM

Monday, September 23, 2002

This is my last post. Aparna is the only person that reads this, and I'll just talk to her instead of posting. I don't have enough people that care about what goes on in my life to bother.
Jessica 8:56 PM

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

Awful Annoying Quote of the Day:
Conversation overheard:

A: "I always wanted to take classes like Zoology and Mammology and work in a zoo."
B: "I would never want to work in a zoo. They're so dirty."
A: "I dunno, I used to like to go to the zoo and just stare at the tigers all day."
B: "Ugh. They're dirty."

God that chick annoyed me. Maybe tigers don't spend hours on end grooming themselves like I'm sure she does, but they are by no means dirty animals. Having worked with them all summer made this comment that much more obnoxious to me.

Anyway... I got a 98 on my first OChem test, that's very happy news :) To all those who said it couldn't be done, :-P

I'm going to NYC this weekend, to meet some friends and have dinner and go drinking. I'm so excited :) The best part is that my dinner and drinks are both already paid for, so all I gotta worry about it gas. And Dan's letting me take his car!! We're both kinda worried that mine won't make it. His is so awesome, so smooth, so easy to drive. He's great to let me borrow it, it really surprised me when he offered.

I'm going in the morning to the Montgomery Court to pay the one ticket I have left, then it's off to the DMV to get my lisence reinstated. Just in time to drive to NYC, hehe.

OK, I need to go to bed... goodnight :)
Jessica 9:14 PM

Saturday, September 14, 2002

I found out what Daphne died from. It's a disease called "mucoid enteritis". It's caused by a bacteria, is prevelant in young rabbits, and kills quickly :( The vet said that it's very difficult to catch it, and even if you do, there's nothing at all you can do for it. And also that there's nothing I did wrong to make her suceptible So while I still miss her terribly, this lessens my pain just a tad. Knowing that there's nothing I could've done, and knowing that I didn't do anything wrong. She was just so sweet though :( I miss having her around, a lot... *sigh*
Jessica 8:12 AM

Friday, September 13, 2002

Why do I even bother??
Jessica 4:28 PM

Thursday, September 05, 2002

Yesterday was not a good pet day.

I took Skunk and Arwen to the Spay Shuttle in the morning, and they were both getting fixed. When I brought them home, Skunk (my male) popped out of the box and started running around, drinking, playing, etc. Arwen was still sleeping, so I laid her on my bed and kept watch. After she didn't wake up for two hours, I paged the emergency vet. After a couple of phone conversations and several attempts to wake her, the vet asked me to bring her out there. This vet is 30 min away, in Roanoke... So I drove my babies out there, Arwen still sleeping, Skunk meowing and trying to get out of his box the whole way (I had to bring him, because it wasn't a good idea to let him roam around alone after surgery). Once we got there, the vet spent about 30 min monitoring Arwen, taking her vitals, etc. She finally determined that she was just having more difficulty than usual coming out of the anesthesia. So I brought her home, and let her sleep. I began to worry about her hydration, so I gave her some water with a dropper. That revived her beyond belief. About an hour later, she was standing for the first time in 8 hours, and she ate just a tad. *PHEW*

This morning she's wonderful. She's eating, drinking, using the litterbox, everything. And she's been so lovable all morning. She really scared me last night...

And when I got home from taking her to the vet, I found Petey mouse, dead :( He was the sweetest, calmest, most awesome mouse ever. I didn't have him very long, but I loved him :(

There was a lot of crying last night, between Arwen's scare and Petey's death.

Sometimes I think maybe I shouldn't have pets. It hits me so hard when something bad happens to them. *sigh*

Jessica 8:05 AM

Wednesday, August 28, 2002

So Monday was my birthday. I've always hated mt birthday, and the last three years it has really been terrible. I was not looking forward to it, even though it was my 21st. However, it turned out great :-D

First there was a whole day of classes to get through. That sucked. OChem Lab, Cell and Molecular Bio, OChem Lecture. I think I'll enjoy this semester academically, but I also know that it's going to be a ton of hard work... But I'm extremely motivated this semester, so I think I'll do well. My goal is an A in OChem. Even though every person I've talked to has laughed in my face about that and told me it's impossible. I'm going to try though, really hard.

So anyway, afterwards I went with Dan to run some errands and whatnot, and then I sat at home for a couple of hours, by myself. It was at this point that I decided this bday would suck like all the others,. But Dan came back and picked me up around 7:15, and took me to Outback for an especially yummy steak dinner! It was soooo good! I ordered a drink, and it actually felt pretty nice, hehe. But I only had one, it was not my intention to get trashed.

After dinner, we drove around a bit, then went back to his place. This is where my surprise party was waiting for me :-D Sarika, Deanna, Adam, Aparna, and Krissy were all there. And streamers, and a "Happy Birthday" sign, and Blue's Clues balloons, and yummy cake!! Tears welled up as I sat in front of my cake (with 22 candles!!) and everyone sang Happy Birthday. But I was good at hiding them :-P I'm such a sensitive person, sheesh...

So we all sat around, ate cake, and talked and whatnot. And I got some great gifts from Dan, including a leopard print body pillow and a "My Little Pony" shirt from Hot Topic that I've been drooling over for weeks. Sarika got me a cute little glass with a dragonfly on it, and Adam got me the leopard print steering wheel cover that I've wanted for months. Although the way he gave it to me was not fun :-P

All in all I had a really great time! Finally, a bday that didn't suck :) Many many many thanks to Dan, Rika, and Deanna for putting it all together :) I feel privaleged to have people that care that much :)
Jessica 11:13 AM

Tuesday, August 20, 2002

Wow, I gotta post more often.

Things have been OK here, a little up and down. The pet store job is great :) I really enjoy it. I work around animals all day long. Morning shifts consist of me cleaning up poop, hehe, and afternoon shifts consist of random work around the store that needs done. It's not always fun and glamorous, but I like it :) And this pet store takes wonderful care of the animals, which couldn't make me happier. Their cages get cleaned every single day, and they get top-quality food. But working there is bad for me, there are so many animals I want!!

Other than that, I haven't really been doing much. I've been working a ton. And I still haven't unpacked my room *sigh*, I'm so lazy. I hate packing. I hate unpacking. I hate anything related to moving, blah. I also don't like one of my housemates. He screams at me all the time for really stupid shit. So that kinda sucks :(

There was a mix up with my financial aid situation, but that's all settled. Looks like I'll be able to go to school this year after all, that's good news.

I'm kinda lonely lately. Anyone wanna hang out, don't hesitate to give me a call.
Jessica 2:23 PM

Saturday, August 10, 2002

I GOT THE PET STORE JOB!!!!


*jumps up and down in a ridiculously happy dance!*

I start on Tuesday :-D :-D :-D
Jessica 8:22 AM

Friday, August 09, 2002

You are a pheonix.

What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox

Jessica 11:00 AM

Wednesday, August 07, 2002

I suppose I better update. It's been a few days.

Monday night was great. I went and hung out with Jeff, which I was afraid would be weird. We met through Chris (loope) about a year and a half ago, and talked occasionally, and ended up talking on AIM. But I had never hung out with him! But being as I needed something to do, and am trying to get over my fear of social situations, I decided what the heck? First we ate dinner at his place, dinner that *he* made. He cooked baked ziti! It was very very yummy. After hanging out at his place for a bit, we went to the movies and saw "Signs". It was so good! It was really suspenseful, and creepy, and dramatic... and it had little funny parts weaved in. The only disappointment was the cheesy, religous ending. Other than that, it was great. I jumped quite a few times ;) I really had a great time though. Jeff is really easy to talk to, and that's hard for me to find lately. I definitely need to hang out with him some more.

Last night I went to work... boring. After work I went over to the Math Emporium and hung out with Kim until she got off work. Then we went to the vet clinic where she works. She keeps her dogs there a lot of times when she goes to work, and wanted me to meet the new puppy. Well she is one of the cutest, most beautiful puppies I've ever seen! It really made me want a dog :-P

Today I had a counseling appointment at 2. That went well, I think this one's going to be really good for me, and actually help me figure some things out. Yay. At 5 I had that interview at the pet store. I think it went fairly well. I know I made a good impression. But they have other people to interview, and I won't know until next week sometime. The suspense is going to kill me. I really want this job...

Aparna is here now. She's staying here for a few days until her new apartment's lease starts and she can move in there. I think the kitties will like having her around, especially while I'm at work :) They'll have someone else to pay attention to them... We watched "The Royal Tenenbaums" toinght. It was pretty good, nothing amazing though. And now I'm gonna find something else to do till I'm tired enough to go to bed. Goodnight. :)

P.S. -- I really adore Dan. He's one of the most wonderful people in the entire world. And if I believed in all that crap, I'd wonder if he were my gaurdian angel.
Jessica 8:37 PM

Sunday, August 04, 2002

Dan is gone :( We had a really nice weekend though. We didn't really do much... sat around, slept, watched movies. But it was nice just being near him...

I have an interview at C&P Pets on Wednesday :)! I'm excited! It would be so great to work in a pet store. I could be the gerbil expert! Hehe. And just think -- what if I get a discount?! I hope I get this job. I'm always really nervous and stupid at job interviews, though. We'll see, wish me luck!!
Jessica 4:44 PM

Friday, August 02, 2002

Dan is going to be here in like an hour and a half!! Woohoo! I'm so excited, it's been way too long since I've seen him. He's also bringing the rest of my crap. Although, I won't be able to unpack, because I'm still not in the room I wanna be in. Long story, but hopefully things can start getting moved around soon.

I received one of the best compliments ever today:

stolenbyme (4:42:00 PM): you treat your pets better than you treat yourself ;-)

Well of course I do, they're my responsibility, they're my babies. And for those of you who haven't seen them, here are a couple of pics :-D

Skunk, my little boy, sleeping on my desk all stretched out and comfy as hell:

Arwen, my little girl, resting on my lap (this is her favorite spot lately :-D):

Jessica 1:52 PM

Monday, July 29, 2002

today was lots of fun. this morning i went out to the pet store and picked up some kittie and bunny food. i also filled out and application, and the woman in charge of hiring is suppose to call people tomorrow to set up interviews. let's hope that comes through.

then i had to take skunk and arwen to the vet. arwen needed her three week booster vaccines and they both needed the rabies shot. skunk was a complete brat for his shot! he whined and struggled and everythng. arwen was a perfect little lady, not even budging.

this evening i went to emilio's with aparna for dinner. i hadn't been there in so long! it was really yummy :) afterward we headed over to the new rendezvous shop, i hadn't been yet. it's so huge!! and it looks really nice. i'm glad they moved, i really like the new place. and i think business will pick up for them in the new location.

then we came back to my place so she could meet my kitties. :) we also walked down the road a bit so that we could visit the horses in the pasture. maggie and another horse (whose name i don't know) came right up and we pet them... i love living here, it's great :)

after i took aparna home i went to wal-mart. i wanted to find something to do, some sort of hobby. well after picking up a million different things and putting them back down, i finally walked outta there (an hour later) completely empty handed. blah. i just couldn't find anything that was worth spending the money that i really shouldn't spend.

so now i'm sitting at home, doing nothing once again. but i had a lot of fun with aparna, i need to hang out with her more often.
Jessica 8:03 PM

Sunday, July 28, 2002

today was certainly nice. i finally talked to sanjeev today, and he's indeed going to give me his twin size matress and boxspring. i'll have a real bed on tuesday! woohoo! the floor's starting to be uncomfortable. so that's nice.

this afternoon ryan (one of my new roommates) and i went to the hardware store and i bought an oil filter and some oil. we changed my oil right there in the parking lot, and ryan gave me lessons the whole time. now i can (hopefully) do it on my own from now on! $4 is a lot cheaper than $20 for an oil change...

once we got back, we played a game of pool (i have a pool table in my house -- ha, ha!) and ryan talked to heidi (the landlord's daughter) about riding the horses. about an hour later, we head on down there, and i get to ride a horse :) it was so great!! there's nothing like riding on a beautiful horse through tall grass and watching the sun set. i could literally feel my tension and stress and anxiety and all that shit just melt away. this is definitely going to become a habit :)

after that we came home, and kirk had made some kick ass chili. so we all ate some of that and watched tv for a little while. i can't believe how much i enjoy living here. i'm just so glad i had the balls to move out of that other place, yeck.
Jessica 9:49 PM

time for those stories i was telling you about...

so i get into blacksburg the monday before this past one, and move into my new place in foxridge. i walk in, and the kitchen is covered in dirty dishes. every available space (counters, table) has dirty dishes and trash on it. some of the dishes were moldy. it was awful. the livingroom couch was covered in stains and food crumbs. and under the cushions? oh my. food wrappers, food pieces, various trash... ugh. when i finally cleared some counter space in the kitchen, the counters were *awful*. caked on food... the chick's boyfriend was over every day and stayed every night, which wouldn't be a problem, but they got high and drunk *every* night and stayed up till insane hours watching loud tv. also, she never cleaned her litter box. she told me that she "didn't do the whole scooping poop thing". so her cats used my litter box, because theirs was full. she just changed the litter every now and then, she never scooped! she really shouldn't have animals. and her cats also ate all my kitten chow, and they cornered and beat up my kittens. so!! i had to get outta there. i hadn't signed the lease yet.

now i'm in this great house out on yellow sulphur rd. it's right before you really get into christiansburg. i'm living with these really cool guys, and i have a huge room with hardwood floors. it's cheaper than the other place, too ;) you can hear the birds chirping every morning and all day. outside, we have two big mulberry trees, some blackberry bushes, and grape vines :-D how cool is that? also, the landlord has horses (that i can watch from my window) that i can ride whenever i want. this place is great. i'm so glad i'm out here instead of that awful apartment!


Jessica 10:57 AM

Tuesday, July 23, 2002

look!! jessica is back!! woohoo!!

hehe, i've been back in blacksburg for just a little over a week now. north carolina and the internship were *incredible*. i've never been so happy or motivated, i've never felt so alive. and i've never felt so sure of my life as i do right now. the place was just fantastic. i got to pet and talk to at least one tiger everyday!! all the other animals were also incredible... and the people i worked with were great. i had the best time of my entire life. the only reason i'm back is because i ran out of money, and the internship was unpaid. and i had to pay rent and buy groceries. i cried the day i left. and i miss it more and more every day. i took *so* many pictures!! i have some of them uploaded here, but there are tons more i'll get around to uploading. and just remember, i know every one of those animals personally :) i've lived my dream, and i can't wait to finish college and get out there do it forever! :) i sound so cheesy...

i have interesting living arangement stories, but i'll tell those another day :-P
Jessica 9:12 PM

Saturday, May 25, 2002

well here i am in blacksburg. the drive up was terrible! it was so damn hot, and of course my little car doesn't have AC. i was roasting the whole trip. and i was worried about daphne in the backseat... "is she too hot? is she getting too much wind? is she getting enough fresh air?". and there was traffic on the beginning stretch of 66, so the trip ended up taking about an hour longer than it should've. but then i got here!! and i showered, and went to bed early, yay!

i didn't really do anything today. i kinda laid around. but i did go look at a place, and decided that's where i'm going to live next year. it's in ramble ridge. it should work out really well :) everyone's really nice, and they like animals, and they're serious about their school work (two are grad students). i kinda can't wait to finally have an apartment.

i'm leaving tomorrow for north carolina, and my awesome internship. it should be an ok drive, it's only about 3.5 hours. i'm kinda down right now, lonely, bored, and missing dan like *crazy*. it should all get better tomorrow though, because i'll be at CPT and it's my dream internship. i can't wait! it's really going to be great. and dan let me take his digital camera, so i'm going to have an unbelievable number of pictures when i get back :)

i won't have internet access though, so i won't be posting for about six weeks. i'm writing several people though :) i figure i'll have the time, so i might as well. i'll miss dan terribly though... but i'll have a great time, and i'm sure once i get there, the six weeks will (unfortunately) *fly* by.

i think i'll get to sleep now. i'd like to get an early start tomorrow :)
Jessica 8:07 PM

Thursday, May 16, 2002

look! i'm posting! this is from earlier today:

so school's over for the semester, yay! i'm in arlington, va right now until my internship starts. i'm basically hanging out with dan and his family until then, having a good time pretty much. i went and saw spider-man! it was great :) i wasn't really expecting it to be that great, but i really enjoyed it. and last night at midnight we all went to see episode II. the reviews all said that it was incredibly terrible, and i was pretty much dreading going. but we already had tickets, so i tagged along. and i actually really liked it :) now i'm all excited to see all the other ones, hehe.

i can't wait for my internship. i'm leaving here on the 24th or 25th, spending a night or two in blacksburg, then it's off to north carolina on the 26th. it should be lots of fun, but no internet access!! i think i'll get by though, because i'll have lots of big cuddly cats ;)


Jessica 6:48 PM

Sunday, May 05, 2002

hey! today was such a gorgeous day! it was so beautiful and sunny, and not too hot. i went into christiansburg earlier today to meet the woman that i helped to adopt a golden retriever that was at the shelter. this woman is so awesome, and i just knoe rosie (the golden) will live a long, healthy, and happy life with them :) and she looked so wonderful, since she's had a bath and a good brushing and all that. that was fun :)

then i went to the pet store and bought a little harness and leash for daphne!! (oh, btw, i got a baby dwarf rabbit that is the sweetest thing in the entire world -- her name is daphne.) so i came home, and the two of us went outside, and walked around a bit, and then laid in the shade. it was so great :) i love that little furball so much! she's like my kid or something. she was a little freaked being outside at first, but quickly got used to it and calmed down. and we sure got a lot of attention! i think she had a nice time though :) we were out there quite awhile, it was so nice!! *contented sigh*

so then this evening me, dan, sarika, and sanjeev went to joe's for milkshakes and dinner. that was cool. then i came back here, while dan went off to study :( he only has one more exam though!! yay! then we go to arlington... we're leaving on tuesday, and i haven't even started packing, not even in the slightest. i called both krogers a little while ago and asked about boxes, but of course they don't have any :( so i don't really know how i'm gonna pack anyway, blah

well i think i'll go play more video games, or nap, or read, or something like that.

here's a couple picks of daphne (trust me, she's *much* cuter in person!! just ask aparna or sarika ;)


Jessica 6:56 PM

Wednesday, May 01, 2002

hmmm, i really wish i had someone to go get coffee with. i'm really craving a nice steaming cup of chai and a tasty pastry, like a muffin. but it's no fun to go alone
Jessica 6:17 PM

bloggy blog blog. not too much going on, really. let's see... danny came down this past weekend! i hadn't seen him for a year and a half, craziness. we had a good time. all we really did was eat out and chill. he bought me this awesome watch i had been wanting, just for the heck of it. he makes crazy money at a full time job, and has no rent or bills or anything :) so we had fun. and he rented a car for the trip, too. a 2002 dodge intrepid. very nice, very luxury. so yes, that was good times.

in other news, my psychiatrist now thinks i have social anxiety disorder. they are tagging so many disorders and diagnoses on me, it's making my head spin. i know i'm afraid of social situations... but i dunno. i guess i'll find out through counseling and all that nonsense. i just wanna be normal! wait... no i don't. i just want a healthy brain :-P

i'm not in the whole exam craziness like everyone else. i'm getting academic relief this semester. it's good, because that way i won't fail all these classes. but it's bad, because i feel like i've let myself down, that i'm a failure. again. i got it for a mixture of reasons. the meningitis spell (which left me outta comission for a little while), all these doctor appointments, all the newly discovered anxiety problems i have (??), and, of course, the always returning depression. ahh... it's like an old friend. it goes away for a long time, but then when it comes back it's like it never left, and things are like they once were. except i like it when old friends come back.

i think i'll go read a little bit now.

if anyone wants to hang out, watch a movie, ANYTHING, you know how to reach me...
Jessica 4:47 PM

Thursday, April 25, 2002

yes, i know, it's been quite awhile. i've been going to lots of doctor's appointment, and stuff like that. i'm now on 100mg of zoloft and 300mg of neurontin. yay drugs! :-P

i haven't really been doing much, though. danny's coming to visit tomorrow, that's exiting. i haven't seen in a year and a half!! that should be fun, we always have fun together :)

at did really well at work tonight, i made $950 from the people i called! that's really good, our nightly goal is $500/person :) so that was good, but it was ugly shirt day, and they let me pick out two prizes. but i forgot it was ugly shirt day!!! i love my bambi shirt :( but they thought i was participating. isn't that mean?! haha, it's ok, i got free prizes, and i'm a good sport :)

in other news, i'm kinda sad that i don't really have any friends. i have like... two. and the people i really wanna hang out with never invite me to hang out with them :( i think i must just be unlikable. and that's no fun.

but now dan and adam are bugging me to go eat with them, and i'm starving. so till next time...


Jessica 7:21 PM

Sunday, April 14, 2002

i guess it's about time i update everyone... after getting out of the hospital, the first few days were shaky. my headache was coming and going, and so was the nausea. it wasn't fun, but it wasn't as bad as when i was in the hospital. there were a couple of nights when i needed to percocet to get to sleep, though. by thursday i was feeling better, but still didn't go into work (didn't go in tuesday either). i went in on friday though, and the headset and all the calling gave me a terrible headache :( by today, though, i'm feeling a whole lot better. i haven't had a migraine in a couple days, and haven't been nauseous. the only symptom that's really still with me is the fatigue and drowsiness. i'm still sleeping tons, but i guess that's because my body is still fighting this virus. so i'm well on my way to being all better :) thanks to everyone for their support and well wishes!!
Jessica 9:13 PM

Tuesday, April 09, 2002

hey... most of you already know about it, but i'm gonna write about it anyway. even the people that knew about it don't know all the details, but they might not want to, as this will be the longest blog i've ever posted.

on friday evening i got out of the shower with the worse headache i had ever had in my life. it was migraine power, and very very painful. i called the shiffert health center after hours line, and talked to a nurse. she suggested i go to the er immediately. so i found adam, and he said he'd take me. so we went up there, after i messaged dan to let him know what was going on. after waiting for only a little bit, i went in to see the triage nurse. then i waited to see the doctor. once i got back there, they laid me down on a gurney and put an IV in my arm, drawing tons of blood in the process. dan, sarika, and chris showed up not too long after that, and dan and sarika came back to see me. i could see the worry all over dan's face, and in his eyes, and in his posture. i've never before been able to read someone's worry like that. but after a little while, my headache lessened, and i was sent home. they told me it was just a migrain. i was there for about three hours.

so dan, adam, and i left and went to get them some chinese food. all was well, but i was really tired and my headache was coming back. so they took me home, and i passed out almost immediately. i woke up saturday morning with a very intense headache, even worse than the one the day before. it was the most painful thing i had ever felt, i honestly felt like i was dieing. dan was there, because he came over after hanging out with adam and spent the night. he did everything in his power to make me comfortable, but nothing helped. eventually though, it became bearable, and i went on with my day. for a little while it even seemed to be gone, and i thought all was well.

but saturday evening it was back, full force. along with it were uncontrollable shakes. whole body convulsions. and sweating. and intense nausea. that was when i knew this was *not* a migraine. so adam came and got us (dan was with me) to go to the ER. but instead we went to adam's. i stopped crying, and that helped the headache a bit. adam placed a cold towel on the back of my neck and called his mom (she knows a lot about migraines and such). apparently she suggested viral meningitis, but the boys didn't wanna tell me that because they didn't wanna scare me. so once again, we rush to the ER. i'm kind of in a comatose state this whole time, not really responding to much. i remember everything going on around me, but i just stared ahead. it hurt to think, it hurt to talk, it just *hurt*.

we get to the ER, i tell them everything and that i was there the night before, the whole time shaking, and they get me back there immediately. ahead of everyone that was there when we walked in. this time they put me in my own room though. i'm still on one of those uncomfortable gurneys, but there aren't three other gurneys crammed in there. this is when i knew that they knew something was wrong. the other room is basically for the doctor to talk to the person and see if it's really something urgent.

so they immediately hook up an IV, and draw tons of blood. they gave me some drug through the IV, i don't know what it was. i calmed down a bit, the shaking subsided. the doctor said i should get a cat scan. so adam and i took out all of my facial and ear piercings (except the brand new tongue web). but before we could get them all out my headache came back full force. and the shaking. the shaking was terrible. they got a nurse in there and she gave me some shot to help the pain a bit, and to relax me (for the shaking). at this point i was crying and really incredibly miserable. the shaking was almost worse than the headache. my whole body was convulsing, and i couldn't stop it... i don't know why, but it drove me crazy. i was so miserable. that was the worse it got, that's when it peaked. then at some point i got more medicine, some morphine. i don't exactly remember when or what was going on, but i know it was before the cat scan. i was pretty drugged up at this point.

so we eventually calmed down enough to get the last two piercings out, and i was wheeled off to the cat scan. that was nothing, i just laid there for about two minutes and it was over. i was wheeled back to the room. the morphine had really kicked in at that point, and once back in the room, i went to sleep. glorious, wonderful sleep. dan came back in at some point, i don't know. i remember him being there, but everything was kinda though a haze. but everytime i woke up he was right there, looking at me, his face so full of concern. eventually the doctor came back with some results... the lab work (blood) all came back just fine. and the cat scan was completely normal. so he said there was one last thing that we needed to do -- a spinal tap. i didn't like the sound of that at all.

so they moved me to another room, with a bright overhead light. i had to put on a gown, and i sat on the side of the bed and leaned over a table, my back was exposed and arched. the doctor put in a numbing shot, and then did the spinal tap. i think all the number does is numb the surface. i didn't feel it go in, but once it was in, i felt it. i can't even explain what it felt like. it was *very* weird and uncomfortable. this needle is very very long, and he just kept pushing it farther and farther in. and a couple of times it was really painful. well he couldn't get any fluid the first time, so he did it twice more. it was awful :( my back was actually sore for days afterwards.

anyway, i go back to my room, and at some point i think i got more drugs, or maybe this is when i got the morphine, i really don't remember. but i know i got something because i remember not being able to feel my back, and that was wonderful. we eventually get the results back, and it turns out adam's mom was right: viral meningitis. but viral isn't the terrible one, it's bacterial that will kill you. viral just needs time to let your body fight off the infection.

so i get up to a regular room at about 5:50am. we arrived in the ER at 9pm. and during that time the clocks changed, so it was actually 7 hours, not 8. but still. once up there i was much more comfortable, the bed was much nicer. i was drugged up and everything was fuzzy, i don't remember too much. but i remember making dan leave at about 7am. he needed the sleep, there was nothing he could possibly do. and adam was more than ready to leave :) he had also been there the whole time. sarika and chris also came to visit while i was down in the ER, but i don't remember details.

so i ended up spending saturday night, all day sunday, and sunday night. with the IV, some nice nurses, and decent room service. oh, and a TV with animal planet on the entire time. i got some percocet and that was good for knocking me out. i have a prescription for that too. on saturday, everyone came to visit. liz brought me my nice stuffed lion, reth. and some clean underwear and pj's! that was nice :) and dan brought me some daffodils, my favorite :)

i came home from the hospital yesterday afternoon. i was told to limit my activities, and to come back if the headaches come back like they were. so far i'm ok. just sleeping a lot, i'm nauseous, and have a slight headache. they said it takes about a week to be completely better. so i'm resting a lot, and just taking it easy.

i can't express how much it meant to have dan right by my side the entire time. he was so great. and i didn't like seeing the worry on his face, but it meant a lot. he's so wonderful... i love that boy to death. he made me cry last night:

GimeeFish (11:40:18 PM): when you were in teh er and they drugged you up and stuffs
GimeeFish (11:41:03 PM): i was talking to you and you were talking back and then i said i loved you but you didn't respond because you were zoned out too much and i had to go to the bathroom to keep from crying
GimeeFish (11:41:08 PM):because i didn't like seeing you like that

this whole experience would've been a million times worse without my friends being there. thanks liz, sarika, adam, and dan. you guys are incredible friends :)
Jessica 10:22 AM

Saturday, April 06, 2002

guess what i got in the mail today?? my acceptance into the CPT intern program!!!


I GOT MY INTERNSHIP!!!!


YAYAYAYAY!! go me!!
Jessica 12:20 PM

Thursday, April 04, 2002

as aparna pointed out, i have lots to blog about :) so here i go :-P

i went to the doctor today. of course we got lost on the way there several times, that was fun. the doctor was really nice and really cool, i like him a lot. today was basically a check-up kinda thing, to see what needed to be done. my regular check-up came out all normal. he doesn't think it's seizures, but he said it still could be. what he thinks is that it's somehow related to my dad's migraines. both my dad and his mother get really bad ones, like they have to get shots for them. he doesn't know exactly what it is, but he thinks it's something to do with that. basically, he doesn't think it's serious, and there's medicine to fix it. i have to go back on the 16th to get an EEG to measure my brain waves. that should be interesting!!

in other news, i got a new piercing today!! wooohooo!! i dunno, i was looking at pics on BME today, and i just decided to go out and get it! you can see a nifty pic of it here!! hehehe, it's great :-D

other than that, not a whole lot. there's some stuff going on with kim and her puppies, but i'll update you on that later.

bye for now ;)
Jessica 1:04 PM

Wednesday, April 03, 2002

sorry it's been a few days. i haven't been busy or anything... just haven't gotten around to it. not too much is going on though. school sucks, i'm not doing so hot in most of my classes. my motivation is completely gone. i think this time it's for good.

dan and i had our 1 year anniversary on march 28th. but we celebrated on the 29th becuase i had to work on the 28th. he got me these awesome boots that i've been drooling over for a few months. it was nice :) and then we went out to dinner at zepolli's, an awesome italian restaurant. that was nice. we were gonna go to a movie afterward, but we were both so full and pooped. so we came back here and crashed. it was a nice night :)

let's see, i get to go to the doctor's tomorrow :( i don't wanna go. blah. blah blah blah!

also, i'm in charge of building a webpage for ASAP. i volunteered. i get to feel special now, hah. go check it out if you wanna, here's the link. i think i'm doing a decent job so far. but it's still in the beginning stages, so there are a couple of pages that don't have anything on them yet.

and now i'm going to lay down. i've been feeling kinda blah on and off all night.
Jessica 7:42 PM

Saturday, March 30, 2002

i went to the animal shelter today! it was great!! i work with this group, ASAP (association of student for the adoption of pets)... we go to the shelter every weekend. we clean and bleach all the cells and dishes, and play lots with the dogs, and take them on long walks :) it was so awesome... i fell in love with several dogs :) it's kinda sad though, b/c every dog there was awesome... but they can't find a home :( if i could, i would have taken every single one. i did take some cute pics though :-D
Jessica 7:28 PM

Thursday, March 28, 2002

GimeeFish (10:21:41 PM): you should blog
RavnLioness (10:21:52 PM): i blogged like... yesterday
GimeeFish (10:22:10 PM): yea but you should do a blog about your great mood
GimeeFish (10:22:17 PM): save it in writing for all time and stuffs:-)
GimeeFish (10:23:14 PM): if you capture it somehow then before you know it you'll be surounded by your own happiness

ok, so dan's weird :) he wants me to blog about my good mood though, so here it is!!!
Jessica 7:24 PM

Wednesday, March 27, 2002

so i called the Carnivore Preservation Trust, where i hope to intern this summer. the acceptance letters will be mailed out either at the end of this week, or, if something comes up, at the beginning of next week. so i'll know for sure within the next couple of weeks.... *anxiously bites fingernails* ... it took everything i had not to ask if she could tell me over the phone...
Jessica 11:14 AM

ohio was ok i suppose. my little brother was great, he was very happy to see me :) but it was hard driving all the way there, staying for a day, and driving all the way back. especially since i had to do all the driving, boo. i need to teach dan to drive a manual. plus we bickered the whole way back, and then i got a speeding ticket about 30 minutes from home. *that* was annoying. it's a big ugly ticket, too. blah.

and kim and i didn't get the house we wanted. there's another house that we ended up getting... but i was really excited about this one, we went and looked at it and everything. we told them we wanted it, and everything was fine. then the owners suddenly decided that they wanted to sell. :( so they're selling our house. i haven't seen this other one, but i really liked that one, it was perfect for me and kim. plus this one's a lot more expensive :( so boo to that.

i'm still really nervous about the neurologist appointment. turns out i have to pay the deductable of $150. i need that by april 4th, blah to that. i'll be getting an MRI, a CAT scan, and an EKG. all of those!! yikes. i'm scared :-/

as you can see, i haven't been having the best time lately. tomorrow is mine and dan's one year anniversary. hopefully he'll take me out somewhere and do something so i can forget about everything for a little while.
Jessica 9:53 AM

Friday, March 22, 2002

dan and i are going to ohio for the weekend. it'll be a nice change of pace. it's my little brother's 4th birthday :) it kinda sucks though, because we'll only actually be there for a day. it's an 8 hour drive, so we'll get there around 11 tonight, and have to leave fairly early on sunday. but it'll still be nice to see everyone on saturday, which is zack's birthday. i got lots of cleaning and stuff to do before i go though. right before you leave is always a nice time to clean, that way you come back to neatness :)
Jessica 7:33 AM

Wednesday, March 20, 2002

so i went to the doctor today. last night i had another one of those spells where i feel really nauseous, but this time i didn't vomit. over the past year i have these every once in awhile, and about 3/4 of the time i vomit. i finally decided to see if anyone could diagnose this. there are a couple other small symptoms, but i won't bore you with details. well... my doctor wants me to see a neurologist. that word alone is really scary to me, it says "i think something's wrong with your brain". she thinks i might have absence seizures. that also sounds scary, and i don't like it. when i was 5 i had a very violent seizure, but all tests were inconclusive and i never had another one.

after reading up about absence seizures on the internet though, i seriously doubt that's what i suffer from. so is that a good thing? or should i be even more scared, b/c i'm back to "something's wrong with your brain" only now i don't know what? i guess this will all be settled when i go to that neurologist. but for right now i'm a little scared...
Jessica 8:50 AM

Monday, March 18, 2002

ok, so i forgot to mention that dan got me a ring :) for no reason! just because... isn't that sweet? it's nothing fancy, but i love it! i usually don't wear rings, but i've worn this one every day since i got it. it's kinda hard to explain, so i'll just post a pic :)



isn't is pretty? :)
Jessica 9:08 AM

Note: this was written last night at about midnight. Blogger was being annoying and wouldn't post it.


i know, i've been slacking again.

i've decided that i cannot fail cell and molec. this means working extra hard at it. this means taking notes and highlighting and all that good stuff while reading. this means never skipping class again!! i don't likw school this semester. it's hard :( i used to be smart, *sigh*

this weekend kinda sucked. didn't really accomplish anything except getting a couple friends really pissed off at me. i think that's all straightened out though. life is too full of drama, really. it's so silly. i guess i did accomplish some stuff today. i managed to get all my laundry done. and i mean all of it. it was 6 loads total, including sheets, my blanket, towels, and all my clothes. it wasn't fun, but dan helped so that was nice. i also got my cell and molec reading all done, *phew*

i think i'll go to bed now. gotta go to class bright and early, and i wanna be attentive. goodnight.
Jessica 5:37 AM

Monday, March 11, 2002

this is so stupid... i just had a week-long break from school, and i don't wanna be here, i don't wanna go to classes. what's wrong with me? i thought i loved school :( i have a cell and molec test wednesday. i'm so scared, it's gonna kill me.

i figured out my plans for the rest of my college career. i could finish next year, but it would involve either:
A) taking 18-20 credits a semester and killing myself to get mediocre grades (taking ochem and physics at the same time... eek!)
B) forgetting my dream internship and staying here to take summer classes

i'm not really sure i wanna do either of those options. so i think i'll just take the extra year, and be at tech for a total of five years. that's not so bad, right? and since i'll have a little extra time, i'm gonna get a theatre minor. that should be fun. it'll be nice to have a break from all my bio and chem classes. so here's what i'm taking next semester:

OChem
OChem Lab
Genetics
Mammology
Mammology Lab
Into to Acting

*maybe adding cell and molec to that if i decide i need to drop it :-/

so yeah. i think i've got it all figured out :-/ i'm so ready to be done with school. *sigh* i've also been reconsidering going to vet school. but you need a 3.5, and i have a 3.4. so i gotta work really hard and bring that up if i decide to do that. school is really stressing me out lately, it's all that's on my minf. now that you couldn't tell, right? *sigh*
Jessica 8:04 PM

Sunday, March 10, 2002

i don't wanna go back to school tomorrow.

does anyone even read this?
Jessica 11:26 AM

Friday, March 08, 2002

i dunno... should i tell the whole world my secret?? *fidgets*
Jessica 11:40 AM

Wednesday, March 06, 2002

i miss my dan!!!!!!! *cries*
Jessica 11:23 AM

Monday, March 04, 2002

yeah, i was supposed to go to north carolina and volunteer and work with the big cats over break... but that didn't work out :( they never emailed me back, and i couldn't just show up, you never know what's going on at a place like that. so instead i'm staying with kim all week :) we should have some fun together, but i sure miss dan a whole lot :( i hate being away from him, i hate just knowing that i can't go see him if i wanna. it sucks.

let's see... i have a job now. i'll be working at the subway downtown. i know, it's not a very good job, but i need the money any way i can get it, so this will have to work. plus, i get to keep in all my piercings, and that's definitely a plus. i should start sometime this week, they're gonna give me a call.

saturday afternoon kim and i had to chase four little girl gerbils all around her room, and even across the house into the kitchen. my gerbils are in the bathroom, and somehow beetlejuice (the kitty) figured out how to open the cage with the sliding top. he didn't hurt any of my little gerbies, but they ended up all getting lose. they were all in the bedroom except selene, who was behind the stove! but we got them all, and they're all ok. but i had a heartattack at first... i was very scared :( i love those little furballs :)

anyway, i'm at the emporium and i really need to go do my laundry at the laundromat :( bye :-P
Jessica 10:13 AM

Thursday, February 28, 2002

well yeehaw. i'm finally done with all the tests before spring break. i *just* finished my social behavior test, and i'm sitting in the litton reaves computer lounge. i really don't like this building... but that's another story entirely. that test sucked. it was really really bad. but i know it's all my fault, because i didn't study enough. i was more worried about my animal physiology test, which was at 9:30 this morning. that one actually wasn't too bad. neither of them were multiple choice, grr. well... they had some multiple choice, but you know. the drawback to small classes ... they have plenty of time to grade 20 tests with short and long answer. blah. and yesterday i had my ecology test, that one sucked too. i guess i shouldn't complain, it's all my own fault. i just don't have the motivation to study enough. blah. but hey, spring break is finally here. i can't be happy yet though... knowing i did so bad on those tests *sigh*
Jessica 8:36 AM

Saturday, February 23, 2002

oh!! and i forgot to mention! i'll be volunteering at the animal shelter over the next couple of months :) should be fun!
Jessica 7:21 PM

i'm being lazy about posting! hehe... what's happened since last time? i guess a few exciting things, actually. i got my nipples repierced :) i missed them a lot, and finally decided to get them redone :) i'm so glad i did, i love them. i really think they're so pretty. hopefully this time i can keep them. they're definitely feeling a lot better than the last ones did.

also, i got a haircut! now it's all choppy and spiky and different lengths and stuff. i guess the longest is right at shoulder length, so i lost a good 5 inches. i love it :) i think it looks great, and everyone's been complementing me on it. it's crazy, but this haircut has actually given me a small confidence boost :)

also, zack's (my brother) birthday is march 23td, and dan and i, and maybe liz, and maybe other people, who knows (!!) are gonna make a road trip up there for his party :) i'm excited, it's been awhile since i've seen them. and here is the advantage to having a car!

tonight i'm gonna go hang out with kim after she gets off work. that should be fun ;) but for now i think i'll go read or something...

Jessica 7:02 PM

Sunday, February 17, 2002

after all this time, i can finally agree with the masses: TEK TOW SUCKS! blah.


Jessica 1:43 PM

Thursday, February 14, 2002

yeah, it's been awhile :-P not really a whole lot going on for me to talk about. my weekends are full of work, so it's not like i have that much fun :-P although this week has been a lot of fun........ but i don't think i'll go into the details here 0:-)

as for school, i'm not doing so hot. i just cannot make myself study, go to class, or do homework. i'm really starting to not care about school. i'm ready to end this nonsense and get out into the real world. start really working, really doing *something*. i feel like my life is so static while i'm in school. blah.

spring break is gonna rock :) i'm not going anywhere most people would think was "cool", but i'm excited :) i'm going to go volunteer at the place i'm interning at this summer. liz is gonna come with me, and were gonna spend a week getting sweaty, muddy, and sore muscles. but all the while surrounded by big cats!!! :)
Jessica 12:44 PM

Thursday, February 07, 2002

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay for snow!! it snowed a lot yesterday :) well.... a lot to me is 3 inches, but ya know ;) so after the play liz and i went to (speaking of which, i had to run to the bathroom and through up during it... but i felt so much better afterwards) dan came over and kidnapped me into the snow :) we threw snowballs, i made a snow angel (which dan promptly turned into a snow devil :P) and we made a snowman! you know, i've never done that before?! it was great :) he was huge, and he actually looked really good. then after a little but i took a running start and tackled him :) i thought it would be fun, and it was ;) anyway, like i said, yaaaaaaaaaaay for snow! but also yay for wonderful boyfriends
Jessica 5:50 AM

Tuesday, February 05, 2002

Red: 4/100 Blue: 20/100 White: 15/100 Yellow: 6/100

Take the Color Code Test
by Dano
Jessica 11:00 AM

Monday, February 04, 2002

i love silly quizes :)



Which drink are you?
Jessica 9:52 AM

look! i took this test and look what i got!!! hehehe, how fitting ;)



Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

Jessica 8:31 AM

Thursday, January 31, 2002

this might be a long one... so bear with me

i finally have my car. i have insurance, tags, registration and title in my name, a parking permit... and the car is actually in my possesion. man, it's so great to have a car, it really is. it's very convienant. i need to go somewhere? i just go. :-P the day i got it (tuesday) i went to the mall with sarika and dan. me, dan, sarika and chris are all going to the midwinter's dance. (i know... imagine me, in a dress, at a formal dance -- weird). so i needed to get a dress. well i ended up getting two :) friday is formal, and saturday is semi-formal, so dan bought me two dresses and a pair of shoes. he's good to me :) everything was on major sale though, so it didn't cost him too much damage. the semi-formal dress is cute, light blue, mid-length, flowy at the bottom. the formal one... wow. it's white, very sparkly (but not sequins -- ew), and flares just a bit at my shins. it really is an absolutely gorgeous dress. i honestly don't feel that i deserve to wear it. there's no way i do that dress justice. but all in all it was a fun trip, a pretty good day.

yesterday liz and i went to wal-mart, then came back here and had blue's clues mac-n-cheese for dinner. that was fun. today i went to the pet store, hung out a lot with dan, and adam, another pretty good day. here's the thing -- i'm having these days that i know are good; full of friends and pretty good things going on. yet... i've been in this slump. i really can't figure out why i've been kinda sad :-/ at first i thought that it must be the weather, as it started on one of those cold rainy days. however, it's been unbelievably gorgeous the last couple of days... and i'm still kinda down. i dunno what's going on with me... but i wish it would just go away.

on another note -- i'm a human being. not a circus freak sideshow. please do not stare at me like i'm some kind of freak, and like i don't know you're doing it or don't have feelings. it's so damn obnoxious. i know i look a little different than the average girl (thank god!), and that i dress a little eccentrically sometimes... but that's not a reason to stare and whisper about a person. we are not in high school anymore. you'll never make it in this world if you can't accept things (people) that aren't exactly like you. this table of girls at lunch (who all looked the same) wouldn't stop staring at me, whispering, turning to look, craning their necks, judging me. god that annoys me. if only i weren't afraid of conflict... i woulda (shoulda) said something. oh well.
Jessica 10:07 PM

Saturday, January 26, 2002

I BOUGHT A CAR! woowoo! hehe, i'm excited. i bought a cute little 1991 mazda 323. i like it :) it has a few dents, and the interior isn't *wonderful*, but overall it's a pretty decent little car. and i got it for a good price. and it's a manual!! woowoo! i already got an insurance plan, i bought that online ;) now all i gotta do is get tags, and get the car. yay! i should be driving by mid-next week. i can't wait. i love financial aid refunds :) they're nice :) so glad to have a car... *contented sigh*

here's a picture of what my car looks like, except mine's blue :)


Jessica 4:15 PM

well, i ended up going out with adam last night to watch him get pierced. he got an appadravya. if you don't know what that is, you prolly don't wanna know :P anyway, he was in a lot of pain :/ i didn't like it! i don't like seeing my friends in pain, and lemme tell you, he was hurtin. him being in pain actually made me a but light headed. but the piercing looks cool as hell :) (i think).

after that i just went over to dan's and pretty much passed out. some shit happened last night, and i was in a shitty mood, and the whole thing just wore me out. life contains to much drama, sheesh.
Jessica 8:00 AM

Friday, January 25, 2002

god i'm pathetic. it's friday night. i was all excited b/c i don't hafta go to work. but i wish i would. then at least i could make myself think that people missed me, and wanted to hang out with me. instead i get to sit here and get slapped in the face with the fact that no one cares if i'm around...

blah!!!
Jessica 5:51 PM

Wednesday, January 23, 2002

i really need more close female friends. i have...one. and she's never around. i really miss having a best friend to be totally goofy with. someone that i can do absolutely nothing with and have a great time. someone that's *so* in tune with me... blah. i have dan, and he's all those things, but it's not the same, ya know? i miss having a best friend. someone i can be myself around, 100%, all the time. maybe adults don't have friends like that? maybe i've "outgrown" best friends? or maybe it's just me... i'm so bad at meeting people and making friends. i dunno... whatever the reason, i sure miss it.
Jessica 7:10 PM

yay! laundry is done! well, most of it anyway. i'd like to do a couple more loads tomorrow to get it all outta the way. sheets, towels, etc. i really hate doing laundry here in the dorms. boo.

yesterday i went to kung-fu. i went back for the first time in awhile. amazingly, they remembered me and were happy to see me :) i thought i had forgotten everything, but after going over all 8 steps of the first form, they came back to me. and i finally got moved up into the next group. i'm no longer with the beginners! yay! i know kung-fu! well.... ok.... not really. but still.

today i called the foxridge people b/c we hadn't heard anything from them. since none of us have ever had an apartment, we weren't sure what we were supposed to expect. well they said that we were all approved, and that everything went through without any problems! yay! now we're just waiting on specific apartment assignment. that's a relief, i wasn't sure i'd be approved with my bad credit and low income :/ but i was :)

let's see... what else? liz and i are definitely starting aerobics. we're going to hi/low on monday nights, and to gut, butts, and thighs on thursdays. hehe, silly name. so there's that, there's kung-fu every tuesday and thursday, and i might start fencing. doesn't that sound cool? anyway, that with my new diet, and i'll be hot in no time! :P well... as close as i can get anyway :)

well, laundry's done, but homework is still piled up. i suppose i should do some of that. blah, i really dislike homework. not as much as laundry, but still...
Jessica 6:19 PM

Tuesday, January 22, 2002

yah, i haven't blogged in a really long time. i guess i've just been really busy. being back at school is great, though. i'm taking some awesome classes this semester:

Biological Statistics
Cell and Molecular Biology
Psychology
Ecology
Animal Physiology
Social Behavior of Birds and Mammals

neat, huh? :) i was gonna take the first part of ochem this semester, but they canceled it! so i had to replace it. in the end, i'm really happy with my schedule. the classes are great. but yeah, i'm already very behind on reading ... and it's only the second week! *sigh*

other than that.... nothing much has been going on. i'm basically sitting around, going to class, doing homework, and that's it. i did get a new piercing right before break ended though -- my nose! hehe, i'll put a pic at the bottom of this post. i love it! i always though i really wouldn't like a nose piercing on me, but then i just decided i wanted one, and it looks great (imo). woowoo!

yeah, i think i'll go do some more slacking, play some more computer games. woohoo! :)


Jessica 12:55 PM