///hear me roar///

Friday, December 28, 2001

yeah, i know, it's been awhile. but i'm on semester break, what do you expect?! :P break has been pretty good so far. the first weekend of break dan and i drove up to his place, and we went and saw the nutcracker :) i had never been to a ballet before... it was so beautiful. the dancers were amazing, and they really captured me. it was incredible... i loved it :) the on the 21st we went and saw lord of the rings ... it was great!!! soooooo much better than the book... wow, i never say that about a movie. but i couldn't get into the book, and the movie made it so interesting. it was very cool. the on the 22nd, we all got up early to do xmas. his parents are so good to me, they bought me gifts! and everyone really liked the gifts i got them. it was a nice morning. then they prepared to go to the airport for their trip to chicago, and i got ready for the long, boring drive to ohio...

so i'm here, in ohio. the drive sucked, it was long and lonely, but i made it. i missed my family so much :) it's good to be around them. xmas was cool, spent lots of time with family, stuff like that :) and now i'm chilling, not doing a damn thing. and it's great! :P i've been reading a *ton*. i always do on breaks, since it's hard to find time to while i'm in school.

i'm leaving on monday to go to dan's for a week. i wanna spend new year's with him really badly, so i'm gonna. my mom's upset that i'm not staying longer... i think it's really hard for her to accept that i've grown up. but yeah, and then i'm going back to school a week early so i can work, crashing at adam and aaron's place till the dorms reopen. and then break will be over, just like that.

it's snowing here, it has been since yesterday morning. it's so beautiful, i really love the snow. i just hope it's not too bad by monday, when i'm driving outta here. but they're usually pretty good about keeping the roads clear, and i'm taking all major highways, so i should be ok. :)
Jessica 7:07 AM

Tuesday, December 18, 2001

i'm cranky
i'm irritable
i'm tired and stressed.


i blame it all on finals week :(
Jessica 7:47 PM

Sunday, December 16, 2001

look! jess is blogging!! i know i've been slacking lately, too much work

yesterday was really cool. dan and i went over to squires early afternoon. i had a yummy steak sub for lunch, then we went and played two games of pool (i lost both... i used to be good, but something happened). we also played this silly dancing game. hahaha... we looked like idiots ;)

after that we came here and chilled for a little while, and then aparna was ready to go get her industrial done! i told her i'd go with her when we both had the chance. i got that car from my boss on friday, so we went. on the way i had to stop by the petstore and give them my seven little baby gerbils :( no one wanted to adopt them!! if i had the space and money, i'd keep all of them. but i already have 6 adult gerbils in two tanks.... :( i miss then already *sigh*

anyway... then we went to rendezvous (with a full car -- me, aparna, adam, and adian). aparna was a little nervous, understandbly! she got up in the chair and i held her hand while she got pierced. i find that always helps, to direct your tension elsewhere :) she did really well though! barely even flinched, and that's a pretty painful piercing. it looks so awesome on her, yay aparna!! hehe. i also got some new jewelry for my lower navel piercing, it has jade in it!! oooooooo pretty :)

so then everyone went home, and after some starcraft with luke i went over to dan's. ate some pizza, watched cast away, and passed out. didn't even make it through the movie. and now, it's time to buckle down for finals. :(

i hate finals i hate finals i hate finals.

i just have to keep telling myself that the semester's almost over.
Jessica 9:54 AM

Sunday, December 09, 2001

i don't like writing papers.

ok, so i don't really mind it that much. sometimes i actually enjoy it.

unless i wait till the last day, at 6:40 in the evening to even discover what i'm supposed to be writing about. *then* i don't like writing papers :(
Jessica 3:42 PM

wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it? sorry about that, i really have no reason :P

i don't know if everyone knows, but there's this awesome internship in north carolina, at the CPT that i've been really excited about. a few months back i applied for it online. over thanksgiving break i heard back from them, they wanted to set up a working interview, which basically means you go there and you do what you would do every day on the job. so when i got back to school i planned it. liz let me borrow her car (thanks liz!!), and i drove down there (3-3.5 hours) this thursday to work on friday. i was so incredibly excited about this :) so i went to the place on friday morning, and started my day :) i won't go into detail here, b/c i could write a book on my day! but mainly i helped feed the binturongs, these cute little guys:



they are such sweethearts! i feel in love with one in particular :) his name, oddly enough, is daniel ;) i also got to pet a huge, full-grown tiger. she was so gorgeous. and i got to just watch and observe a lot of other cats, big and small :) needless to say, i had an absolutely wonderful time, this is my dream internship.

anyway -- i got an email today. I GOT THE INTERNSHIP!! hehehehe, i'm so excited, this is the best news i've had in a really long time, this is so amazing. i'm so excited and happy ... nothing could wreck this mood ;)
Jessica 10:21 AM

Tuesday, November 27, 2001

yay! sarika and deanna brought me and liz ice cream! they are so sweet, i love them. yay for being cheered up by good friends!! :)
Jessica 8:02 PM

GimeeFish (8:50:53 PM): don't worry, i'm hear to make sure everythign goes smooth like peanut butter
GimeeFish (8:51:02 PM): but tastes like chunky peanut butter when you try it

he's the best. i love you dan :)

Jessica 6:23 PM

thank you so much sarika, deanna and liz. you guys really helped me smile tonight. :) i may not have many friends, but the ones i do have are quality :)
Jessica 4:54 PM

i had a really nice thanksgiving break. did lots of relaxing, spent a lot of really nice quality time with dan, the whole family went to new jersey for the weekend for a bar mitzfah and we had a blast. i would include the details, but that's not the reason i'm blogging, just thought i should catch you up.

for some reason, i've have felt like total shit today. this is the closest i've felt to my old depression since i was "cured". ugh, it sucks. where the hell is this coming from?!? i don't do this anymore, i'm not depressed anymore. yet here i am, more depressed than i've felt in a long time.

i don't know, maybe it's being back here after such a wonderful break? having so much work to do, so much pressure on me, not enough time, stress Stress STRESS. i bet that's it. that's probably also the cause of my headaches. blah, being back at school sucks. and i'm so lazy, i've honestly sat here in my chair doing absolutely nothing *all day*! how sad is that? there are a million things i could've and should've been doing. really. grrrrr.

i think one thing that's got me down is that i've been thinking lately, and i only have 2 pretty good friends. i have a couple other decent friends, and that's it. is that the "normal" amount? is there a "normal" number of friends? i just feel like no one's ever around when i want someone to eat with, or someone to just chill with, i never do that. the only time any of my friends wanna see me is when they wanna go somewhere. whatever happened to just chillin, talking, laughing, that kinda thing? i dunno, i just feel like i have no friends lately. no one i can really go crazy with, be silly, and just laugh. blah.

i lack social skills. among a lot of other things, but this is the one i'm focusing on right now.
Jessica 2:49 PM

Monday, November 19, 2001

yay! thanksgiving break is here! woohoo! yeah, so anyway, i'm at dan's for the break. its so great to sleep however much i want, and to just relax and do nothing :) and of course i love his family, so that helps :)

so we took the home ride bus here, and got here friday around 7:30. but the bus company left dan's luggage at jmu, on the curb. so he has no suitcase, poor thing. we still haven't figured out how to get it here. there are buses that run on tuesday, because that's when jum gets out, so i think that's what were gonna hafta do. meanwhile he just has to constantly wash his clothes. luckily, he did have a few things here. i'm just glad my luggage wasn't left behind ;)

so we get here, and that night we went and saw harry potter!! nicole (dan's sister) went and bought the tickets earlier in the week. we got to the theatre an hour early, to stand in line for seats. man, that movie was so awesome!! i loved it :) i've read all four books, so i've really been looking forward to this movie. they really did an incredible job turning the book into a movie. it was so great :) i don't care if they're kid books, she's an awesome writer and the books are very good. hehe. it was great.

other than that we haven't done much, just been relaxing. it's been nice. last night dan read to me until i fell asleep :) just because he wanted to. what a sweetheart. i love him so much, he's so great. i haven't had someone read me to sleep since i was a little girl and my mommy did it :) it was nice :)

*contented sigh*
Jessica 8:42 AM

Wednesday, November 14, 2001

ok, i know i *just* blogged, but i have to agian. i have discovered a wonderful new secret. my hair is awful, and it gets *really* greasy after not washing it for *one* day. really obnoxious. well lately, showers have not been a priority, heh. like i haven't had a shower today, and my hair was looking really disgusting, i swear it looks like i haven't showered in a week. anyway, i got this brilliant idea, and put baby powder in it. and the baby powder absorbed the grease!! and it makes my hair smell good too!! yay!



yes, i know, i'm disgusting. but no, i don't care.


Jessica 11:30 AM

LOL, hahahahahhaa

i went and found my smurf name. yet another one borrow from justin :)

Your Smurf Name is: Man-Eating Smurf

yay!!

i know, i'm a huge dork. i got way too much of a kick outta that. i don't like boys, what a fitting smurf name, eh? :)
Jessica 11:23 AM

Monday, November 12, 2001

i guess i should blog at some point, huh?

i started my new job on thursday. at first it was hard, but it's getting easier and easier, and the money's good. however, those 7pm - 3am shifts this weekend really killed me, completely screwed up my sleeping and eating schedule, and i've felt kinda sick since. bleh. i work tomorrow 3 - 11pm. but the money's so good that it really doesn't matter.

i'm having a hard time trusting girls lately. isn't this silly? don't girls usually have a hard time trusting boys? but to be honest, i've been fucked over by female friends a million times more than i have by males, be them friends or boyfriends. don't get me wrong, i've had my share of boyfriends that were complete dicks... but i've never had a male friend screw me over, or break my heart. and i've had *so* many female friends that really killed me. so as i sit here in new friendships or on the brink of friendships with females, i find myself questioning their sincerity. it's awful, i don't wanna do that, but i really can't help it. girls are bitches. period. and it's really hard for me to realize that there are some out there that really do care. it's took me a year of *living* with liz to fully trust her friendship. ugh, i'm so afraid that this will get in the way of real, lasting friendships. i'm almost subconscious, i don't even realize i'm doing it sometimes.

anyway... just some thoughts running around in my head. i really need some sleep. a very very long day and night tomorrow... goodnight.
Jessica 10:43 PM

Thursday, November 08, 2001

Random Purity Tests:

You answered "yes" to 61 of 100 questions, making you 39.0% sexually pure (61.0% sexually corrupt) The average purity for this test is 56.5%.

You answered "yes" to 18 of 100 questions, making you 82.0% nerd pure (18.0% nerd corrupt); that is, you are 82.0% pure in the nerd domain (you have 18.0% nerd in you).

You answered "yes" to 87 of 400 questions, making you 78.2% movie pure (21.8% movie corrupt); that is, you are 78.2% pure in the Movie Nerd domain (your Nerdiness is 21.8%).

You answered "yes" to 26 of 62 questions, making you 58.1% Internet pure (41.9% Internet corrupt); that is, you are 58.1% pure in the Internet domain (you have 41.9% Internet in you).
Jessica 11:52 AM

Wednesday, November 07, 2001

hehe, i took the blogaholic quiz i found on justin's blog and got a 48/100 :P one of the questions was "Do you think this quiz is blogworthy?", and here i am, blogging about it :P
Jessica 7:01 AM

Tuesday, November 06, 2001

oh yeah! i forgot to put it here as well -- go take my quiz!! see how well you know me ;)
Jessica 8:28 AM

man, yesterday sucked so much. i got up early to study for my theatre exam, since i ended up slacking off all day sunday, and i felt incredibly sick. after about an hour of trying really hard to concentrate, i gave into the migraine headache trying to consume me. and then i had to run to the bathroom, and throw up... god it was awful. it's been ages since i've thrown up. after that, i couldn't get out of bed, i felt like complete crap. so i emailed my professor to tell her i couldn't make it to the exam, and went to sleep. ugh, it sucked. dan and sarika came over later that morning, and brought me a muffin and apple juice :) that was really sweet. by then i was feeling a bit better and was able to eat the muffin, which helped, b/c my stomach was (obviously) completely empty. dan also called my professor and left her a message.

i'm feeling better today... i think it must've been a 24 hour stomach virus or something... i was even feeling a lot better by last night. weird.

the bad thing is, i have yet to hear from my professor :( if she doesn't let me make up the exam, i'm screwed, i fail the class. our entire grade is based on 3 tests. i have an A in there! blah, she just has to let me take a make up :/
Jessica 8:22 AM

Sunday, November 04, 2001

this weekend has been nice :) friday was pretty uneventful, i didn't go to my one class, and i didn't go to work :P i just sat here and talked to people, hehe. that night i just hung out at dan's, for movie watching and cuddling, it was really nice! :)

on saturday, dan and i laid in bed doing nothing until about 1:30 :P hehe... then we finally got up and showered and all that and went to lunch with adam at the vietnamese tea house. it was *so* yummy. mmmm... i had never gotten anything there besides pho, and now i realize that there are lots of other good things there :) then we went and hung out at adam's for a little while, and adam and i dropped dan off at home and then went and got liz and went to rendezvous! yay! i got cool new jewelry for my 4g lobes, after trying to go to 2g and ripping one lobe... ouch! anyway... saturday night the four of us ended up going and watching monsters, inc. it was really cute!! i liked it, even though it was a kids' movie :P

and now it's sunday, and i just realized not too long ago that i have a huge test tomorrow! so all the work i was gonna catch up on... will have to wait :/ as well as my laundry :( it's a study day. boo!
Jessica 8:28 AM

Wednesday, October 31, 2001

i can't belive i forgot about two awesome hours yesterday. i went and saw footloose in burruss with my wonderful roomie :) it was soooooo good! all the actors/singers/dancers were so talented. we had a lot of fun, we were both feeling bleh so it helped perk us up :) yay for muscals!! (i know, how girly of me)

Jessica 2:17 PM

yah. i went and took that math test... it was bad. very bad. the whole last page i had no idea what i was doing, and i know i didn't do the right thing because i got really ridiculous answers that made no sense *sigh* how in the world can i have an A in something like zoology, but i can't get past the simplest math class? grrrr. i don't like math.

so anyway... i went to the doctor, got meds for my tonsillitis. i hate my tonsils. i get this every 2-3 weeks. as soon as i get the chance, these babies are coming out.

i talked to my dad for the first time in many months. that was weird, kinda emotionally straining. turns out, i've had medical insurance for 6 months. thanks dad. i could've had my wisdom teeth and my tonsils taken out this summer. nice of him to let me know. grrr. my teeth are killing me, i get whole mouth aches along with headaches, and a mouth full of blood every time i brush my teeth. blar.

so yeah. i was a little down yesterday. i'm just emotionally drained. not just b/c of my dad, though he definitely adds to it, but a ton of other things, too. every close friend i have (all 3 of them :P) either really needs me right now or is pissed at me. both of those can strain someone. not that i mind helping my friends, god i love it when i can help them feel better!! but it's definitely taking it's toll on my emotions. also, this probably sounds silly, but i finally got the three older male gerbils to their new home yesterday, and i really miss them, a lot :(

but then, last night around... 11? dan came over. he had this absolutely gorgeous bouquet of flowers for me. i mean *gorgeous*... he gave me this huge hug, and he laid down in bed with me, and stroked my hair till i fell asleep. he told me he was there so that i could have a break. god, he's such a sweetheart. sometimes i really don't know what i would do without him. i don't deserve such wonderful treatment, but i appreciate it very much. i've never been so in love as i am this morning. i love you snoopy :)

and on that happy (but very sappy, i know) note, i'll go climb back in bed i think :)


Jessica 6:14 AM

Monday, October 29, 2001

yay! thanks to everyone who was thinking of my mommy gerbil. we took her to the vet first thing this morning, liz and i both skipping a class to do so. i know, i'm a dork, i put my pets' health above my education. but we went in, and it turns out she doesn't have an eye infection! yay!! eye infections in gerbils are really serious, b/c they can spread to the brain and kill them. i was really worried about her, the poor little thing. but it's just an irritation, he thinks it was caused by one of her babies accidentally scratching her, which is very possible considering they climb all over her all the time. so he told me to get some visene, and i put one drop in her eye twice a day, and wipe away the discharge with a wet cotton ball throughout the day. i'm so relieved! :) i love my gerbils :)
Jessica 7:33 AM

Sunday, October 28, 2001

yay!! look at my pretty new blog! yay! i like this much better, a lot more colorful, and easier to read :) i'm never happy with the way things look, hehe, i'm surprised i kept that last one for so long :P

oh yeah.... i was supposed to be studying wasn't i..... oops. guess i should get to that now :P
Jessica 4:15 PM

so yeah, i had a pretty nice weekend! went out friday night, but didn't stay long. i really wasn't in the mood. and saturday we (me, dan, sarika, sanjeev, lottie, deanna) all went to the asian american student union cultural show. it was so awesome! lots of traditional dances, a traditional fashion show, martial arts demos, it was fun stuff. after that dan and i went over to adam's to watch movies, we watched dark city, it was really good!! yay good movies! the rest of the weekend was basically spent cuddling in bed with dan :):) including *all* day saturday, it was nice.

and now... i need to study. i have this huge math test tomorrow, and i'm convinced i'm gonna fail. but i guess i could try to study, i don't think it'll make any difference. but aaron did help me out, and i at least understand some stuff better now. we'll see.
Jessica 3:28 PM

Friday, October 26, 2001

god damn it. and now they're better. i swear they were all caps. grrr, I'M NOT GOING INSANE!

(hehe, but that's probably b/c i'm already there)
Jessica 5:41 AM

ack!!! why did all my past posts turn into all caps?!?! it did that after i added the little blogback thing. anyone have any ideas?! :/
Jessica 5:40 AM

Thursday, October 25, 2001

ok, so i should post!! last weekend was fuuuuuuuuun!! on friday, i went to the movies with adam, liz and snoopy (<3). we went and saw "from hell". i love horror movies! it was so good!! and while i was there, i saw my friend tom, who i haven't seen in ages. he gave me a huge hug, and we talked for awhile before the movie started. that was nice. then after the movie (which was very very awesome, as i've already said :P), we saw travis outside! another friend i haven't seen in awhile! so we kidnapped him and the five of us went to applebee's for some late dinner. it was yummy.

then on saturday dan and i just snuggled in bed till like two, hehe, that was great! then we went and met sarika, chris, jessie, deanna, and lottie at ihop and had some yummy breakfast/lunch. i was all shy though, b/c i don't know most of those people all that well. it was still nice though. while we were there, dan and i talked about kabuki, and maybe getting some people together for that. so we did! that night, me, dan, sarika, chris, lottie and adam all went to kabuki. i had never been there, and neither had adam. hehe, we had so much fun! our chef was hilarious, he was a riot!! and the food.... yuuuuuuuuuummm!! hehe.

yah, then i got up all early on sunday, because liz and i were going hiking with my lit and ecology class! man, that was a hard hike, but it was so awesome. it was a 10 mile roundtrip hike, the first like 2.5 miles were mostly uphill. it nearly killed us :P but the view was incredible! we got to the top, and ate lunch, it was so nice. so then the four of us that were from the class had to go away from everyone else, and lay down, with our eyes closed, and just listen, smell, and feel. i fell asleep!! hehe, it was a beautiful day, and a beautiful hike. it took us four hours, and was worth it. liz and i were both dead when we got home, and sore the next day. i love my professor for that class :) come on, a professor that takes you on weekend hikes? how cool is that? :)

yay! so then came the week, which has been pretty typical, but on wednesday (yesterday), i finally got all my academic relief straightened out, and went and did all the paperwork stuff, and i'm officially a BIOLOGY MAJOR! woowoo!! got all my scheduling and stuff done too, that's a relief.

and today i applied for this awesome internship working with big cats in north carolina!! oh man, i hope i get it!!! that would be incredible. and tonight i went with sarika for her to get her nosed pierced! she's so cute. it looks really good on her, too. and i gauged my first holes up to 4 gauge, got these really pretty lucite plugs :) and i took out my 8gauge second holes, letting them heal. my ears look and feel so naked!!

anyway!! i think that's enough. this always looks like *so* much more on my page. and i'm building a website from scratch, go visit The Wild World of Jess!! it still needs a ton of work, but you can check out what i've got there :P

g'night!
Jessica 7:30 PM

Friday, October 19, 2001

look look look!! i managed to take some pics of the newest baby gerbils with my webcam! they are soooooo cute! go take a look ;)

Gerbil Babies!!


Jessica 2:43 PM

Monday, October 15, 2001

lalala! today was a lot better. i woke up in a good mood :) i got my paper back in my english class, i got an A-! yay! maybe i should change my major to english.... kidding!! i think i'll stick with bio, no offence to you english majors out there :P so yah, after that i grabbed a quick bfast and went off to theatre, i really love that class. i like this semester because i'm taking all these classes that are unrelated to my major, but that interest me. i like the thought of well-roundedness. even if it takes me a little longer than four years to get out of college, at least i'll know about more than biology :)

anyway! so then after that i went to lunch with dan and sarika and chris, and off to math. i just went in and gave my stuff to someone else to turn in and left, hehe. i hate that class. i'll be struggling to get that A i'm aiming for, not because i can't do it, but because i don't care enough to do it, ya know? bleh to math

then adam took me to the pet store! yay! i bought lots of goodies for my cute little gerbies! some bedding, which i really needed, and some new toys and snacks. i spoil them so badly. adam kept making fun of me... i would sacrifice my own well being for theirs :)

so yah. around 4:30 dan came over, and after some "fun" (*wink wink*), we took a 3 hour nap! i never take naps, it was refreshing, but i'm scared that i won't get to sleep tonight. we'll see i guess. so then we went and ate and now i'm chilling here... i should be doing work, but whatever :)
Jessica 6:53 PM

Sunday, October 14, 2001

well for some reason today was really horrible for me. i was so down and lonely! i was down for several reasons, then add in my no-reason-sadness and it was even worse. i dunno, i moped a lot. eventually i got up and motivated and went to work for a couple hours. that was cool, i love my job. then i came back, showered, and went to eat with dan. he made me feel better. then we came back here a cuddled for about an hour, and he made me feel all better :) he's such a sweetie. but that's about all i did today, and now i should really get some homework done!

even though he doesn't read this... i love you snoopy :)
Jessica 6:23 PM

and now it's sunday... hehe, i had a nice weekend! :) i've found that i'm having those more and more often. despite the fact that i have no friends :P so friday night adam took me, liz, and dan out to outback, that was really nice. his dad gave him $1000, so it was his treat :) after that dan and i just chilled at his place, we had a nice evening *wink wink*. hehe. then on saturday, when we finally got out of bed at like 3pm, me, dan, and sarika all went and got our hair cut. i just got like an inch trimmed off. sarika got her layers redone... man, her hair is *so* gorgeous, i'm so jealous of her hair! hehe. and dan *really* needed a hair cut. now he's extra cute!! yah, so then we went to joe's for lunch. the rest of the day i did a lot of nothing, hehe :)

then last night we went out to the club. it was fun. i was having all these insecurity issues at first, before we left, but i usually do that every weekend :/ but once i got to the club, and started dancing, that was it. i have such a blast dancing now. hehe. there were these raver guys there, and since i was wearing my ufo's, they wouldn't stop watching me. then when dan and i sat down for a sec, this one leans over and says "is that your girl" and of course dan said yes, and he said "damn, she's hot man" and dan thanked him, hehe. they all had fancy glow sticks and pacifiers. and then when some techno-ish rave music came on, it was awesome, b/c they all started raving... and they were better than me, but it was still a blast. so then when they closed (they closed early b/c of lots of fights on the streets or something, all of downtown shut down at 1:30... i wasn't done dancing!!!) all these raver guys on ecstacy came up to me and were talking to me and sarika. she raves too, but she wasn't that much last night b/c she didn't have her big pants on. they were all rolling, and me and sarika were like "no, we don't do that, we don't need to", i think that surprised them :P anywho, so then dan and i came back here, and ordered pizza and cuddled :) hehe. yay weekends!

OH!! and and and! my gerbils had more babies! 5 this time!! hehe, they're sooooooooooooo cute! so if you know anyone who wants some pet gerbils, lemme know! i need to find homes for these cute little guys ;)
Jessica 8:41 AM

Wednesday, October 10, 2001

yay! i had a really nice day :) first of all because two of my classes were cancelled :P one of which was math, yay! i really hate math. so i was having a pretty good day, and then i went to work. today was my first day working in the fish lab, actually with the fish. now i know all i was doing was changing their water, and most people don't think fish are exciting, but i loved it! hehe, i'm a dork. so i was there for about three hours, barely even dented the number of little containers i have to change. right before i was about to leave, dan shows up :) he's got dinner for us! so i showed him around the lab a bit, then we went outside and ate dinner together on the grass. it was *so* sweet of him! and he knew exactly what to get me to eat, and exactly what to get me to drink. he's such a sweetie :) and it was such a gorgeous evening. so we sat out there for awhile, talking and stuff, and then when we were walking across the drillfield he just stopped and sat down. so i sat there with him and we cuddled on the grass :) it was the best dinner i've had in a long time.

so yeah, while we were sitting out on the drillfield, i was thinking... i don't think most people have a love as pure and strong as ours. its just so perfect. i feel like we really fit together, if that makes sense. and there's just no way everyone else experiences love like this... if they did, i think the world would be a much nicer place :)
Jessica 4:04 PM

Wednesday, October 03, 2001

hey there. yeah, i know, i don't post often enough. bleh, its hard to find time here at school, ya know? things are still going really well, i'm getting straight a's in school at this point, that makes me happy. although i should be studying for a test right now... :P i dropped philosophy though. its just not my type of thing, my mind doesn't work like that!

i got a new job!! YAY! my office job wasn't bad at all, i actually liked it and i'm upset that the people there now pretty much hate me, b/c i quit without any warning. but i couldn't pass up this job. its in the biology department, that's the main thing. i mean, i'm a biology major! hehe. i really want an internship this summer, and i really needed to start getting biology experience of some sort. so yeah. the other thing is that it pays a bit better :) right now i'm just cleaning and organizing the professors lab, which isn't very fun. men are so damn untidy and unorganized! :P but once that's done, i'll be helping take care of all his fish in his other lab, the "fish room" :) you wouldn't belive how many fish are in this place, he's doing research with them, and its really quite interesting. it made me feel really good, b/c when he was interviewing me he told me that there were a lot of other applicants, so he couldn't promise anything. but he chose me! YAY! so yeah, that's cool...

what else? not much... i've been doing kung-fu with adam every tuesday and thursday. that's great! i really like it :) not much else, school is really occupying a lot of my time, which is a good thing, b/c i'm getting good grades. go smart jess! :P i know, i'm a huge dork, hehe.

random quote from me: "i've decided, i'm a thrift store whore! and its great to be me!"
Jessica 5:16 PM

Wednesday, September 26, 2001

lalala ... i'm so happy lately. ever since dan and i broke up, and i came to all those realizations, and we got back together... life's been different :) its been great. and i've been getting so close to sarika, i love her! she's really been there for me. on the weekends we go out a lot; me, dan, sarika, sanjeev (sarika's brother), and lottie. i've given the frat party a chance, and i've discovered that they can be fun :) i'm usually sober, and i just dance! i always wear my big rave pants though, and when rave music comes on sarika and i are the center of attention. not that we wanna be :P but its always a good time. when you go for cool reasons, and with awesome people, it doesn't really matter where you are, its a blast. we've also gone to the club downtown a few times, and dance like crazy. they play a lot more rave type music at the club, so that's fun. so yeah, with a couple exceptions, that's mainly what i've been doing on the weekends.

then we have the weekdays. i'm working my ass off in school this semester, its great. i'm doing so well, and really staying on top of things. i actually look forward to going to class, imagine that! :P and its a really good thing, too, because next week is going to kill me...

things with dan and i couldn't be better. there were a few days when i was feeling some doubt, it felt like something was missing from the relationship. i eventually figured out what it was: dependence. i have never before been in a relationship where i didn't depend on the guy for *everything*. so now that i'm so liberated and independent, it felt weird. if this makes any sense. there was this huge part missing, but once i realized what it was, i could begin working on getting past it. sarika really helped me out, she asked one question: "do you love him?" to which my answer was "of course, more than anything". she said that that's all that matters and that things would iron themselves out as long as we love each other. so over the last day or two, i've really been getting used to the type of relationship i now find myself in. and i swear, i've never been happier, with anyone.

i've actually never been happier at any stage of my life, ever. things are so great, life is great. and even if bad times plague you, there are always good ones to remember ;)
Jessica 9:37 PM

Friday, September 21, 2001

and there you have it. reblogger is up and running once again.
Jessica 6:50 AM

hmm, i wonder why my reblogger suddenly stopped working... i need to remedy this situation.

and by the way, me and liz are the biggest dorks in the entire world. lol, and sarika too! but being dork isn't so bad when you have someone to do it with :P i love you guys :)
Jessica 6:41 AM

Thursday, September 20, 2001

wow, i haven't blogged in ages. jesus, and so much is going on/has gone on. mostly, the attacks that happened last tuesday. i swear, i haven't been affected like that in a very, very long time. i know i'll always remember that day. i got up for my 9:30 class, as usual, and got ready and showered and all that. i had a sleeping dan in my bed, b/c he had spent the night. right before going to class, someone on irc said something about a plane hitting the world trade center. i thought that was pretty crazy, but thought it was just a freak airplane accident. i remember nudging dan awake to tell him. he mumbled at me, said "it'll stand, its made for that, don't worry" and rolled over to go back to sleep. just before i left, someone said something about two planes hitting. i pretty much dismissed this and went on to class. i came back to hell. from that point on, i know i'm a changed person. i came back to see everyone talking about the terrorist attacks, and the pentagon collapsing, and various other awful rumors and truths. i woke dan up, and told him what was going on. he immediately sprang out of bed, and we went to every news site we could think of, but they were all down, they all had too much traffic. there was a rumor that a car bomb went off at the state department. where dan's dad works. his sister works in the national gallery of art. his family lives literally 3 minutes from the pentagon. they are like my own family, and i eventually ended up in tears in dan's arms. he called his family, and after much worrying and uncertainty, everyone finally made it home ok. we then went to sarika's to watch the events unfolding on cnn (i don't have a tv). the rest of the day my mind was very cloudy. it still is, in a lot of ways. i have cried a lot of tears over this, even though i don't personally know anyone directly affected. i have taken this entire thing very hard. i can't comprehend, i can't understand, i don't know what to do or where to turn. dan says its because i'm such a sensitive person, and i suppose there's a lot of truth to that. i'm starting to see my sensitivity as a curse. everyone tells me to calm down, because there's nothing i can do about it. but i can't help being upset about this whole thing, all the lives lost and families affected. i wrote a poem a couple days ago about how i feel, how people see me:


the sensitive soul is one who weeps
for those it knows not and keeps
a picture of reality harsh and real
always questioning death's next meal
the motives of evil are unknown
a mystery no matter what it's shown
it can't make right acts of spite
wanting the knot of the world to be tight
the sensitive soul is one thought weak
but is the one the strong will seek
-2001.09.20

i think i'll write more lately about what's going on in my life, but not right now.


Jessica 7:14 PM

Monday, September 10, 2001

hmm... i think i have a *lot* to write about.

this weekend was great. friday night i didn't do much of anything, got some reading done, etc. dan went out with friends to a frat party, he was the sober one, sounds like he had fun though :) then on saturday me and liz went hiking!! we went to the cascades, which is usally considered a "hike for people who don't hike". this is b/c its really easy, there are actually steps carved into the trail. pretty wussy as far as hikes go. but liz and i made it into a hike ;) it actually took us 3 hours to get to the top! we're talking a 30-45 min hike. we didn't take the trail, we went down into the stream and made our way climbing through and over rocks and boulders. we both got pretty wet, too. and we also stopped a lot to admire the scenery. it was incredible. so we finally get to the top, and its so beautiful. its the huge waterfall... i can't even describe it, its so pretty. so we lounge around there for awhile, and finally turn to go back. we went back on the trail, though, b/c it was already getting later than we had planned. we saw so many butterflies and caterpillars, and a few other really interesting things. it was an awesome hike.

so yeah, we get back and i jumo in the shower, b/c i was disgusting, and i end up going out with dan and sarika and a bunch of their friends. dan decided that he wanted me to go out with him, he said he wanted to "give me a test drive". :P he's been seeing the "new me" and i think he was intrigued. so i put on my huge ufo's (pants :P) and we all go out. dan and i got to be the designated drivers since neither of us drink. he drove the truck with the guys and i drove the truck with the girls :) so after some pre-party drinking and some interesting adventures, we make it to the frat house. let me tell you, i had a blast! i danced so much. me and dan were getting really close on the dance floor ;) so then toward the end "rave" music came on. some cool techno with an awesome beat. well... both sarika and i were wearing our raving pants (ufo's), so we started raving!! man, it was awesome :) i love that girl. we danced so long, and we actually had an audience. when we were done and went outside to cool off, i literally had steam rising off of my body. it was crazy. so yeah, all in all it was an awesome night, i never imagined i'd have so much fun at a frat party. and i actually bonded with sarika, she's such a cool person. :)

and by the end of the night... dan and i were back together. its on different terms, and things are going to be *so* different, and we're going slower and less seriously. but i could tell by the end of the night that he really wanted me back. so we're together... and so far, its been beyond good. its been wonderful.

so then on sunday i took dan out to dinner downtown. my treat! that was really nice :) then we came back here for about 30 min, then parted ways to go do homework. i had one of the best weekends i can remember. :)
Jessica 12:12 PM

Saturday, September 08, 2001

i haven't posted in awhile because i've been going through a lot lately. dan and i broke up a few days ago, on the fourth to be exact. yes, just two days after that last post. it came extremely unexpected because he had been holding a lot of things in instead of just letting me know. but that's not to say he's to blame. no one is, we were both part of the break up. i don't really want to go into detail about it, but basically i was depending on him for all my emotions. it was like i didn't have my own. i was only happy when he was around, i was sad when he seemed sad, etc. and when we first broke up, it killed me. i was sobbing. it was like i didn't want to go on without him.

but... i've come to realize so much in these days. i cried my last tear over dan on the fifth, just one day after the break up. but man, on the fourth and fifth i think i cried *plenty* of tears. anyway, i realize now that i was depending on him for my happiness because i wanted to. it was the easy way, he made me happy and that's all i needed. but come on, how strong and deep is a happiness that depends on only one factor? especially if that factor is as unpridictable as a human being? i have so many other things to be happy about. i've got my mom and brother, who i love to death, my friends (i love you adam and liz!!), my classes, and most importantly, myself. i now go day to day with all these happy thoughts and moments. and they're all different, and wonderful. that's not to say i don't miss dan though :)

i've also gained confidence in these realizations. i'm strong (internally :P), intelligent, ambitious, and i'm even a tad attractive :) i know that i can go on without him. it will take me awhile to fall out of love with him, but i will be fine. why did i always think i needed someone? how silly i was... i am my own person and i control my own emotions. and while i miss dan, i don't need him.

some people may have trouble believing i've really come to all this in only a few days. but i think it took losing someone i loved more than anything else to shake me into reality. liz came up with the perfect word: epiphany.

e·piph·a·ny

A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.
A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization: “I experienced an epiphany, a spiritual flash that would change the way I viewed myself” (Frank Maier).

that's the perfect word :) so yeah, i'm not with dan anymore, but its ok. people who find out are so sympathetic ("you can cry to me!""oh my god! i'm so sorry! you'll be ok!"), and i'm very greatful to them for caring. but i'll be just fine! i don't need a man! i don't need anyone, i'm a pretty swell person on my own :P

it feels so great to feel this way about myself. i never knew what i was missing :P there's more... but i think this post is already long enough, and there are things i wanna be doing :P
Jessica 5:25 AM

Sunday, September 02, 2001

*yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn*

what am i doing up?! hehe. i was up until about 3am last night. that's the latest i've stayed up in *ages*. mmmmm, last night dan and i stayed in, and enjoyed some real time together :) it was great :) and i'm pretty much completely over my sickness (finally), so..... hehehehe :) i really have no reason to post right now. i'm just bored because i'm up and everyone else is still sleeping!! my boy looks so cute when he sleeps...



Jessica 6:52 AM

Saturday, September 01, 2001

sorry i haven't posted in a few days, i've been kinda busy and really sick, bleh!!

so my first week of classes went great. i'm really excited about this semester. i like all my classes (well... excluding math, of course) and all my professors! that's definitely a plus. there's usually at least one professor that just bothers me. and i'm actually interested in all of my classes :) this is gonna be fun :)

lets see, i also started work this week. i started tuesday, worked for five hours. its a pretty cool job :) the people i work with are really nice, my boss is really slack, and the work isn't hard (of course: its office work) but it also isn't horribly boring and monotonous. although, i only worked one day this week. i was also supposed to work thursday, but i was so sick that dragging myself to zoology was all i could handle.

so yeah, i've been sick. i really really really hate being sick! (although, who doesn't??) tuesday night i had the startings of a sore throat. sure enough, wednesday morning i felt like shit, and i went to the doctor and i had tonsilitis. but i already knew that, this is my 6th? 7th? time in a year! so i got some meds, and i've been taking them, blah blah blah. but the tonsilitis (sore throat, anyway) was gone after about a day. i somehow have this awful cold on top of it. wednesday night was so awful. ugh. i thought i was going to die. bleh. however, by today i'm feeling better. my nose is still being dumb (and its all sore and red and bleh), but my head's cleared up. i dunno. i hope i get over this real soon :/

i have auditions for a play monday and tuesday. i can pick either day. so if i'm feeling better by monday, and have my prepared pieces all sorted out, i'll go monday. but i have a feeling that i'm going to be going on tuesday, to make extra sure my voice is back to normal :/ its all scratchy. the play is "the importance of being earnest" by oscar wilde. i'm so nervous! there are only 5 male parts and 4 female parts. so i have to be really good at auditions. i hope i get a part!!! wish me luck :P

nothing much else going on, but i have to go on about the best boyfriend in the world real quick :) he has been so super good to me while i've been sick!! making me eat, making me sleep, bringing me food when i couldn't move :) and he's brought me tea three times now, twice was kinda late and he was tired. and wednesday night, when i was feeling really terrible, he brought me tea, then stayed here and took such good care of me while i tossed and turned, and then didn't leave until i was peacefully sleeping :) and thursday night i ran out of tissues!! so i was using tp from the bathroom. omg, that stuff is *so* rough, it was awful. and out of no where, dan is here, with two big boxes of tissues and a little pack i can take to class!! he's such a sweetie. i love that boy :) he's way too good to me sometimes :)
Jessica 6:49 AM

Monday, August 27, 2001

well here i am!! at tech at last! woohoo! i got here thursday and got all moved in, then liz came in on friday. i was so happy to see her!! i really missed her this summer. and then sunday was my birthday :) so liz and i lounged around, and then went to the bus station to get dan around 5:30 (after being lost in christiansburg!). then we went to wal-mart, and that evening liz, dan, travis and i went to applebee's for my birthday :) over all it was a nice birthday, spent with people i really care about. then only person i really missed was adam :( he was house sitting in floyd, a whole hour away. ((oh yeah, liz and i went out there sat night and grilled burgers and went walking, fun stuff).

so today was the first day of classes :) so far everything seems like its going to be a lot of fun :) i like all my classes and professors, so far. i'm excited about school! and this afternoon i walked over to hilcrest and finished up my paperwork for my job. i start tomorrow! yay! so everything seems to be falling into place right now *contented sigh*

and did i mention, i really love my boy? :)
Jessica 12:05 PM

Tuesday, August 21, 2001

sorry its been a few days. dan's last day of work was this past friday, and with him around the house i'm not on the computer much ;)

not too much has been going on, really. went shopping a few times, dan bought me some new clothes and a couple other things :) and a couple nights age (saturday) we went to an opera, the entire family. that was cool... i had never been to one. we went to wolf trap and saw "the marriage of figaro". it was very good, and those people have incredible voices. it was nice, but a bit long in my opinion (4 hours!).

yesterday was really nice :) dan and i went to the mall in the afternoon, just for something to do. we basically just walked around, looking at stuff. so then we came home, and we ate dinner, and all that good stuff. then judy and nicole started to clean up the dishes from the table, and dan's mom went into the kitchen. a few seconds later, all three come out, and everyone starts singing happy birthday!! dan's mom had a red velvet cake (my favorite) with two candles and "happy birthday jessica" written on it :) i actually got tears in my eyes, can you believe that? i'm such a girl sometimes. as if that weren't sweet enough, i then got presents!! from the family, i got two really awesome lion books. very very cool :) and from dan i got a pair of doc martens!! i've been wanting these boots since 8th grade, but i've never been able to afford them. and now i have a pair, ooooooooo, they're so pretty!! yay dan! so that was really nice! and its not my birthday *yet* but yesterday was the best opportunity to celebrate it.

so i put on my boots, and they were too big :( so dan and i rushed into georgetown, where he bought them, and exchanged them. i've been wearing them ever since :) (but of course, my feet are *killing* me trying to break them in!). when we got back, two of dan's friends were here. we eventually got a couple more people together, and all went bowling. the guys were really cocky, but of course i blew all four of them away with my 139 :P hehe, i like the one guy's excuse: "they have a better lane than us!!" it was fun.

then today i went and got my license renewed. it expires in 10 days. so i finally have a new license. and its actually a decent picture! :P imagine that....

also, i've gotten things pretty much cleared up with the school. they have all the paperwork they need, and it looks like i'll be able to go to school this semester after all!! yay!!

i think i should go entertain my man now.... :)
Jessica 1:44 PM

Thursday, August 16, 2001

so i finally took my first fall on my blades.... it had to happen sometime, right? hehe. i was out blading yesterday, and there's this really long hill, and at the end there's a sharp left (i like going around the block so i don't get lost :P). so i always brake all the way down the hill, that way i'm going relatively slow when i have to make this turn. well i finally decided that the only way i was going to conquer the hill was to just take it! so i come around the corner, and the hill begins, and i start picking up speed. but i don't brake. i just let it take me... by the time i get down towards the turn, i'm really flying. so i try to make the turn without slowing down, and i kinda spin around and take a nasty fall. my jeans completely rip open at the knee (they're pretty much shreaded) and my knee has no more skin. it was burning, but i could handle it, so i keep blading for about 30 min after the fall (but i never did go back to that hill :P). when i get home, i look down, and my jeans are soaked in blood, and my knee is basically a bloody pulp. so i shower, bandage it up, etc etc. it hurt a lot more after i took care of it! it was even hard sleeping, with it throbbing. and it keeps soaking through the bandages with blood. but i think i'll go blading again today, stiff knee and all :) you'll never get anywhere if you don't take risks (in rollerblading or otherwise!).
Jessica 6:28 AM

Wednesday, August 15, 2001

yeah i know, i haven't posted in a couple of days. i've been kinda blah. if you don't understand why, take a quick look at my last post.

new york was definitely fun, though! i had never been in a big city before, it was exciting. we went and saw les miserables on broadway, that was amazing! i love theatre, so i really enjoyed that a lot. and we were in times square several times throughout the day, and we went to the top of the empire state building at night. that was incredible. from every side, as far as i could see, were big buildings and lights. it was exciting... i felt so... small, and insignificant. not really in a bad way, nor in a good way. i can't explain it. it was an incredible feeling though, like i was on top of the world. let's see... and we went and ate in a really nice restaurant in new york, that was cool. it was yummy. and the waiter hit on me!! hehe. we spent aaall day in new york on saturday, it was fun. we made the drive home on sunday... but its not bad when you have someone to snuggle with in the back seat ;)

so i've been feeling like crap, and dan's been so wonderful to me. on monday dan came home from work early and brought me flowers :) it was so sweet!! and then we went to the movies and saw "the others". it was a really cool movie! very spooky, i liked it a lot! then yesterday he drug me out to the swimming pool to splash around before dinner, and after to dinner we went out with his sisters and watched "american pie 2". it was funny, but not as good as the first :) but i liked it. so basically he's been doing a wonderful job of trying to keep my spirits up, and he's trying to rub some of his optimism off on me :P i don't think that's working, but the cheering up has definitely been well received and appreciated. i love dan so much... i really don't know what i'd do without him!
Jessica 10:18 AM

Monday, August 13, 2001

god... yesterday was absolutely awful... new york was nice, by the way, but i'll elaborate on that later. i'm not really in the mood to be happy about much. so we come home from ny, and there's this big envelope for me, adam forwarded all my mail to me. one thing was a letter from tech. since i failed last semester, they have retracted all my financial aid. so, no school for jessica. there's a way to appeal it, but it has to be within 30 days of the letter i got. and i have to call all these people, and get copies of all this stuff mailed to me, and then i have to mail it to people, and i know there's no way in hell for all this to happen in 30 days. and its very clear that they will *not* accept any appeal that reaches them past 30 days from the date of the letter. so basically, i'm totally fucked. and i was really looking forward to this semester, too!! i have no idea where i'm going to go, or what i'm going to do, where will i live? where will i work? my on campus job is only there if i'm a student. everything was going so well, and i was actually enjoying happiness, only to have it fucked up. god damn it! *sigh*

on top of that (if that isn't enough to send me into depression again), i found out last night from my mom that one of my uncles on my dad's side has a terminal tumor in his brain. he's dieing. he'll be dead before xmas. now, i haven't seen him in quite awhile, but when i was younger, he meant the world to me, i really looked up to him. he's so young, only 37. and he's dieing. i suddenly miss him more than usual... not surprising i guess. and there are already being plans made for the funeral! isn't that morbid? i mean, i guess it has to be done, but damn it, he's not dead *yet*!! uuughhh.

so yeah, basically, i'm really depressed right now. i think i'll go jump off a building.


Jessica 7:33 AM

Friday, August 10, 2001

yay!! i haven't blogged about this yet, but i'm going to new york for the weekend. well, actually, we're staying in new jersey in a house owned by friends of the family, but its pretty close to new york :) its me, dan, judy and nicole. its gonna be awesome. i've never been to a big city, and now i'm going to one of the biggest! i'm excited. we're leaving today, as soon as dan gets here (any minute), then we're gonna go pick up nicole, and hit the road. we'll get there tonight, and maybe go into the city tonight, then spend all day tomorrow in new york, and a bit of sunday :) so i won't be online over the weekend, but leave me some messages to look forward to :P

i think the weekend away will do me some good!
Jessica 10:34 AM

Thursday, August 09, 2001

so last night i laid in dan's arms and cried. for some reason, i feel really alone lately. i have no one here except dan. and don't get me wrong, i love him more than i've ever loved anyone or anything... but a girl needs more than just her boyfriend to talk to, ya know? i talked a lot to trissy last night, that was nice. we joked around about starting a club, heh. for people like us with serious problems and basically no support. i don't know, i just feel extremely alone. i just want someone to open up to! someone to talk to, someone to kinda share my life with, ya know? talk about everyday things, even... and when i need it, someone to listen to me when i'm upset. i share everything with dan, but i feel bad, i feel like i'm dumping on him. and i know its not healthy to rely on one person for emotional support. i don't know, i just feel like i have no real friends... i make them, and then i loose them, so quickly and so easily! i feel like there's something wrong with me, i hardly ever feel as if i'm valuable to anyone. argh. i just want someone to talk to..... maybe i'm just being blah because it's that time of the month, i don't know. but i've been thinking about this a lot, and it makes me sad.

on another note, nothing really happened today. played video games, went to nicole's and waited for the cable guy, yadda yadda yadda. but did i talk to anyone... nope.
Jessica 5:21 PM

Wednesday, August 08, 2001

yay!! i re-did my blog, obviously :) picked a nifty looking template and made some customizations. now it rocks, very pretty :) lemme know whatcha think!
Jessica 12:38 PM

well, i'm back in arlington. we got back yesterday around 5:30. we had a really nice time :) it was kinda hectic though, because we were trying to fit so much stuff and so much family into only a couple of days. we got there sat evening, around 7-7:30. we immediatly went over to my great-grandma's house so i could see her and dan could meet her. i hadn't seen her since xmas, and she's a really great person, so that was cool. after that we went over to my grandma and pappy's house (mom's mom and stepdad). that's always cool, i'm pretty close to my grandma. then we finally went home!

we got up early sat morning and spent all day at the county fair. it was quite amusing, because even though we went north geographically, we went south as far as culture :) where my mom lives is a very rural area. most of the fair was barns, with cows, horses, goats, chickens, rabbits, lamb, sheep... i think that's it :P god, there were so many animals!! there were also a few rides, and i went on a couple kiddie rides with zack :) i love that kid, he's so cute!! we were there till around 4, then went home and ate and went back for the demolition derby. haha, dan was in for a shock. god, he loved it :) that lasted a few hours, with several heats, etc. it was all good fun. it was hilarious though, i was the center of attention at the fair, with my piercings and tattoos. everyone who walked by stared and me wide-eyed. silly hick towns :P

then on monday my mom went to work, and dan and i got up and went and picked up my brother from day care and went to my mom's work for her lunch break. afterwards me, dan, and zack went to mcdonald's, dan's treat :) it was kinda freaky though, everyone was looking at us like we were a family (mom, dad, kid), and i suppose we looked like that. eeeekk! not for a looooong time! anyway, then we kept zack with us for the rest of the day :) i love him, hehe :) and monday night we went over to my pap pap and grandma's (mom's dad and stepmom) because it was his bday. it was nice to see them.

we got up yesterday and left around noon... it was a really nice trip, but its good to be back here doing nothing!!

Jessica 11:19 AM

Saturday, August 04, 2001

dum de dum... good stuff happening! right now dan is helping is sister move into her new apartment. he's gotta help carry the big heavy stuff. luckily, i get to sit here on my butt! but the good stuff is that after he's done, around noon or one or something, we're going to ohio! yay! so i gotta pack for us, and shower and stuff. we're going to be there until tuesday, dan's taking two days off work. i'm excited! i get to see my family! i miss them lots.

not much has been really going on, but a couple nights ago dan took me out to dinner to this nice place called "bistro bistro". it was *so* yummy! i put on my nifty indian wrap-around skirt and a black tank-top... so i was dressed up for me!! it was really nice, he's so sweet :) we even had desert :P

so i'm gonna go now and pack while people are moving stuff. i probably won't blog again till wednesday. i'll be spending time with my people :)
Jessica 7:34 AM

Wednesday, August 01, 2001

hi :) sorry i haven't posted in awhile. although the only person that reads this is my boy, when he's bored at work (love ya hon).

so i've been thinking a lot lately about people, and how much they suck basically. i don't think i'll go on about it here, you never know when you'll offend people. although, why should i care?? at any rate, i'm tired and so is dan and we're going to bed soon, so i can't blog long anyway :) lots of new philosophies have been coming up, and being discussed. fun stuff.

today was cool! when dan came home from work he drug me outside and we went walking. i wasn't feeling very happy, but by the time we got home i was all grins :) we walked around the neighboorhood and then got on the playground swings for a little while, like little kids, it was great :)

after dinner, around 8ish, richard came over and demanded that we were going with him to georgetown. i had never been, so i was kinda excited. we went to this fucking awesome punk/goth store, and dan bought me this awesome shirt! its black and has greyish bullets crisscrossing the whole front, it has really short sleeves with square studs around them. its so great. i swear, if i were rich, i'd throw my entire woredrobe out and replace it with stuff from there. lots of cool clothes, belts, collars, etc. then we went to this "adult" store, called "the pleasure place" :) you can guess what kind of stuff they had! they even had a separate room with bondage and s&m stuff... ooooo, it was cool. so dan bought me this little oufit, *very* little, with metal rings attaching parts and stuff, its cooooool. we also got some black fuzzy handcuffs. fun stuff! so yah, then we pretty much left georgetown, everything was closing. but i got a cool shirt and fun toys for me and my boy! yuuummm! and as i was leaving the adult store, i was thinking that adam would love it! so, adam, ya gotta come up sometime and go to this store, its incredible! much bigger and better than that place we went to in bburg :P

so yah, that sums up my day, it was nice. and now my boy is laying down, with his tighty whitey clad butt looking at me :P gotta go snuggle, goodnight!!
Jessica 8:37 PM

Monday, July 30, 2001

bored bored bored bored

you guessed it, another boring monday sitting around here doing nothing :P

we had a nice weekend though :) not very eventful, but very nice. we went and saw planet of the apes... not too bad, but not all that great. it was kinda cool, but it lacked sufficient characterization and the ending was completely awful. there really needs to be some good movies, and soon!

we went out to dinner saturday night with friends of the family, to this cool vietnamese restaurant. it was very yummy. then we came home and dan and i ended up going on a long walk outside, it was very nice :) i love my boy...

i think i'll go play more final fantasy... i'm not addicted! I'M NOT! I SWEAR!! :P
Jessica 11:40 AM

Friday, July 27, 2001

ok kiddies, this one's gonna be long... (who are the 'kiddies' anyway? not like anyone reads this :P)

so wednesday was really cool. dan's mom stayed home from work, and her and judy (the little sister) were going shopping, and asked if i wanted to go... well, why not? its better than just sitting in the house. so i went with them, to the mall, to a few other stores, all over the place. we were gone for like 4 hours or something. but we had a lot of fun!! i actually bonded with both of them. dan's mom also bought me three shirts! just because :) wasn't that nice of her? his family is so great. i'm getting closer to everyone, its cool. they're such a great family, really. anyway... then we came home, and judy and i sat around a bit and traded playing final fantasy IX, we're both completely hooked. when dan came home, him and i went out to dinner with a couple of his friends. kalsoom and rebecca. we went to ruby tuesday... kalsoom is awesome, she's so nice, and i really liked her. rebecca, however, was kinda snotty, she was very condescending toward me, and i hate that. but that's ok, we had a nice time anyway :) that night we all sat around and watched shawshank redemption. i had never seen that movie, and it blew me away!! it was great!!

yesterday i didn't really do much, judy and i sat around playing final fantasy some more :) awesome game. dan came home and worked on fixing his computer... bleh :P nicole had a friend over, a friend they all knew from when they were in pakistan. so we all ate dinner then came down here and watched tomas crown affair, very cool movie.

today's going alright, i had an interview this morning at blockbuster... the interview was at 11:30, i was on my way back here at 11:28. basically, they're looking for people to replace all the people that are leaving for school in a month. so the fact that i'm also leaving for school... yeah, you get the point. *sigh* however, he pretty much promised me a job for next summer, if i'm here. ah well :P

on another note... nicole's friend told dan the other night that i came across as a strong, independant, confident woman! that made me feel really good, because that's how i want to come across! since then, and some things that were said at dinner with dan's friends, i've been a lot more confident. i don't know, its weird. all of a sudden i believe dan when he says he loves me, and that he thinks i'm beautiful. its a great feeling, and i can feel it already making our relationship stronger. ahh... to be in love <3<3<3


Jessica 10:37 AM

Tuesday, July 24, 2001

yah, i actually went rollerblading again today. can you believe it? i was active two days in a row! only this time i only went around the block once, my back is really fucking sore from the three blocks yesterday. ah well, it'll strengthen up eventually. (i hope)...

after that i showered and went down the road (i was able to use the car! yay!) and got some stuff to help heal my piercings. i got the ideas from the todd bertrang webpage, thanks for adam directing me there. i got some almond oil to keep them moist, and some fragrance and color free neutrogena soap to keep them clean. i currently have four piercings acting up :/ hopefully todd knows what he's talking about and they'll get better soon!!

last night i was awful... i had forgotten to take my medicine the night before, but thought it no big deal because i've been doing so well. but i discovered that i'm doing well because of the medicine. i was so depressed last night!! i was crying and angry and didn't wanna talk to anyone. thank god dan is so patient, he was right there soothing me the whole time. so i took my medicine again last night. it makes me wonder though, am i hiding behind a mask of this medicine?!? that's exactly what i didn't want... will i be dependant upon it my entire life, to make me happy? i hope not... but its all very confusing... hmm...
Jessica 12:14 PM

Monday, July 23, 2001

wow, that felt great!!!! i went rollerblading, just three times around the block. but it felt so nice to get out, use my muscles, and get some sun :) i feel wonderful, i think i'll make that a daily routine.

now its time to hit the pool!!
Jessica 10:39 AM

so here it is, monday again. boo!! i like the weekends, there are people around. but at least dan's little sister is home from camp... so i have someone around, at least.

this weekend was lotsa fun! hehe :) adam came down to visit, because today's his birthday. he got here friday night, after running around farlington (dan's neighborhood) lost for awhile. then we talked and stuff, and richard came over, and we watched movies... well... i fell asleep, they watched movies :P

then on saturday, we went to king's dominion!! lots of fun! we got there around 3, it took us two hours to get there!! traffic was awful. but eventually we made it. we were there until they closed, at 10 :) we rode lots of rides, obviously. we went on this water ride where you don't usually get very wet...... adam got drenched! it was hilarious, he looked like an angry wet cat, i couldn't stop laughing. we also stood in line for an hour and a half (!!!) to ride the volcano. awesome coaster!! omg, it rocked. anyway... we had a lot of fun, but by 10 we were all very tired, with sore feet, and i had sun stroke. but it was all worth it :)

so we came home and crashed, then got up sunday to go down to d.c., adam wanted to see it. so we went down there, looked at some monuments, spent some time in the national air and space museum, then went and got food. then, at around 5, adam left to go back to bburg... i hope he had a nice bday :)

that's about it. last night dan and i watched some tv and just layed around being lazy :) and now its monday and he's at work! boo!! :P

i think i'll go rollerblade now... its been awhile.


Jessica 9:52 AM

Friday, July 20, 2001

what a sweet boy i have. he read my earlier blog post and saw that i was feeling down. so he called me up, talking to me a bit... then left work early, and got me flowers on the way here :) they're so pretty, and they smell so good :)

that boy really knows how to make me feel better. i'm so lucky to have him in my life. i love you dan :)
Jessica 2:31 PM

nobody loves me
everybody hates me
guess i'll go eat worms.



not a good day.
Jessica 12:30 PM

Thursday, July 19, 2001

still not much going on... i'm bored! i should go outside and go swimming or rollerblading or something. but i'm an unmotivated bum... so i think i'll sit here and do nothing :P

yesterday dan's mom took me around to the temp agencies, i ended up turning in one resume, faxing one, and emailing one. now hopefully these people will call me and i can get some work in while i'm here. and hopefully they won't mind piercings. if they do, they can kiss my ass. i'm not forsaking part of who i am for anyone or anything...

after we got back my mom called :) that was a nice surprise. we talked for a long time, and she's going to start at ken state university this fall!! she'll be a college freshman, and i'll be a junior (or a sophmore and a half, or something like that, but that's a different story)! She wants to be a nurse :) I'm so proud of her and excited for her :) She's been talking about doing this for a long time, and now she finally is :) yay to mom!

yah... so then dan and i sat around and watched blade runner, pretty cool movie... not much else went on, just being lazy around here

but this weekend adam's coming up!! for his birthday, and we're gonna take him to king's dominion! i haven't been there in years! i'm excited, i get to hang out with adam *and* go to king's dominion! its gonna be fun :)
Jessica 9:16 AM

Tuesday, July 17, 2001

hmm... well i'm feeling better this morning than i was yesterday. i talked to a good friend i hadn't talked to in awhile and was missing, and she made me feel a bit better :) a couple other people were also nice and helped :)

after dan came home i was still pretty blah and he tried everything he could to cheer me up. such a sweetheart. he actually picked me up and carried me up the stairs and outside, just to sit together outside and talk. he said the outdoors would make me feel better. and he was right... :) so we pretty much just layed around till dinner, then we ate, and after that we went over to richard's to watch a movie. i like richard. at first i thought i didn't, but the more i hang out with him the more i realize that he's like me. he's just really quiet and reserved until you get to know him better. maybe people are confused about me at first too? *shrugs* anyway, we watched this very silly german movie called "the killer condom"!! hehe, about these little condoms that bit off the guys' dicks after they were rolled on. it was very humorous.

then we came home and went to bed :) falling asleep to him also makes me feel better. mmm, i really love that boy. its very scary being so in love with someone. but wonderful at the same time :)
Jessica 7:06 AM

Monday, July 16, 2001

blah blah blah

feeling alone and unimportant and unloved is no fun at all. and this sounds so damn selfish, but i won't have anyone saying, "no! you are important and loved!" i need to face it. i make friends, i hold on to them, and when i lose them, its hard to let go :( but i should start learning how to.

no one reads this, why do i post here?? because i'm vain?? no one cares what goes on in my life. no one cares about me. god. there's this little community of nice people that i think are great. oh to be a real part of that. why do i have such trouble finding and making friends?! its very depressing.

i miss people. bad. this sucks. *sigh*
Jessica 10:09 AM

Saturday, July 14, 2001

look look! i figured out the reblogger thing. now it works *and* looks like its supposed to. cool. now post post post! i gotta go watch this movie with dan and richard, dan's whining ;) but that's ok, he's cute, too! ;)
Jessica 9:25 PM

so i realized that my special template totally sucked. so i went back to one of the generic blogger ones. i'll just build on this one, i'm not good enough at html :P however, i did figure out how to get reblogger working. so leave me some messages!! but its still big and to the side, i can't figure out why. ah well, at least its there and working :P

i'm still not doing much here. the weekend's nice though b/c i get lots of dan time! :) always a good thing! today we went swimming (i'm getting really tan!), laid in the grass, played frisbee with his friend, richard, and now we're watching movies and such. all good stuff! oh!! and dan took me to this burger place, a place that he's been telling me is much better than mike's. so i was skeptic, but excited. better than mike's?!?! could it be??!!!!?! so we went. omg. my boyfriend has the worse taste ever. he doesn't care for mike's, but likes this place?? yeah, it was a pretty damn good burger, i have to admit, and the fries were great. however! mike's burger are a million times better. i know this isn't important... but whatever. i don't think this space is for important stuff. besides, its not like anyone reads this.

anyway! i'm having a pretty cool time. i'm going on monday to a temp agency, and they should hook me up with some work. we'll see.

alright... i'll be around :)
Jessica 8:50 PM

Thursday, July 12, 2001

sorry i haven't posted in a few days, i'm at dan's now :) we were going to hook up my computer here, but i accidentally put the wires and keyboard and mouse in storage. so i'm stuck on this slow windows machine if i wanna get online. boo!

so what have i been doing? not much, heh. i've been playing dark cloud on the ps2 a *lot*. i freaking love that game, i'm addicted. but other than that, i haven't been doing much during the day... i mean, i'm here alone all day long. gets kinda boring, ya know? blah!

but things are great when everyone comes home :) everyone's treating me really well, like family. its nice to be in a real family environment... i've never had that before, its actually really cool. i went swimming with dan's older sister (nicole) one day when she took a day off work, and yesterday dan's mom stayed home and i went and ran errands with her. yesterday evening we all went to this concert thing in a park. we took a picnic basket and blankets, picked up some food, and had a picnic on the grass!! it was a brass quintet, nice music. but my family *never* did stuff like that. ever. its kinda nice.

but i do miss blacksburg, especially during the day when there's nothing to do and no one to talk to. i miss being able to go out to the kitchen and talk to aaron in the morning, or walking into adam's bedroom just to talk. i'm bored!! ah well, i'll get over it :P besides, i do get to see dan everyday, and sleep next to him every night, that's nice :)

and i don't think anyone reads this... but i got the little discuss thing to work. so if you read this, let me know damnit, and talk to me! :) ((even though the font's too big and its not where i want it...... i'll fix that later!!))
Jessica 6:54 AM

Saturday, July 07, 2001

yay! everyone's here!! dan got here around 4:30 yesterday :) me, him, and adam then went to mike's where dan went on to tell me that he doesn't much care for mike's burgers. i told him i couldn't see him anymore. hehe. but he's nuts, really, they're the best burgers there are. so then we came back here, hung out for a little while ;)... then went to rendezvous with adam, b/c he had to show him the webpage b/c he had just finished it. and i got my second lobe holes stretched up to 8g! wooowoo! so then we came back, and just played around, and ended up falling asleep while waiting for my family. so my mom calls around 12:30... they're in *north carolina*!! yeah, they missed the exit. so! they would be in later than planned... so we fell back asleep, and ended up eventually getting there (after being lost in christiansburg!) around... 2:30ish. zack was soooo happy to see me :) that made me really feel great. we stayed there around an hour, then left. neither dan nor i had eaten since mike's, so we stopped at ihop and had some breakfast. then of course we came here and crashed :) and as i type this, he's still sleeping in my bed. so very cute! mmmm, he's great :) i love him so much! so today i'm going to spend time with my family and leave dan to adam... hehe

Jessica 9:29 AM

Thursday, July 05, 2001

lalala... so i got my new tattoo today! oooooo, very pretty!!



but trust me, it looks about a million times better in person, much brighter. i love it!! and you can't beat that price ;) ((free)). adam went with me and watched, it was cool and it wasn't really all that painful!

that's basically all i did today... went to mike's with adam and logan, went back to rendezvous with adam for a few minutes, then went down to kroger shopping with adam a few moments ago. the rest of my day has been sent packing! ugh! i hate packing so much. but my boy, and my mom, and my brother, and my grandma will all be here tomorrow :) i'm excited to see them :)

i've got a little more packing i'd like to do tonight, then i think i'll go to bed. i'll finish the rest in the morning before dan gets here! :)
Jessica 9:55 PM

Wednesday, July 04, 2001

today started out horrible, but it got ok by the end :) i didn't really do anything all day long, despite me telling myself i was gonna get some boxes and finish packing. ah well :P i'll finish that up sometime...

so later on aaron asks if i wanna go over to rob's with him and grill some food. i say sure, tell adam about it, and he wants to go too. so we went over there, and rob grilled some hot dogs and burger, very good stuff. i hadn't had grilled food in ages :) then we went in search of fireworks!! there was no way in hell i was going to go the 4th without seeing some fireworks :) but rob had badly burned his hand, and didn't wanna drive. and adam's tracker isn't very comfortable for four. so i got to drive :) i like driving, and hadn't been able to in ages. well we were driving along, and the fireworks started, but we couldn't see them that well. so we hunted for a spot to no avail. i was starting to get bummed, thinking i'd miss them. but then we found a spot, and it was perfect b/c we could stand at the car and wartch them. they were so pretty :) fireworks turn me into such a kid, i swear :)

the only thing that kinda sucked about today is that i missed my mom, brother and grandma. we have this big fourth of july tradition, and this was the first time i missed out on it. if i had a car, i would've been there. i thought about them a lot today, especially while watching the fireworks! because i know my mom and grandma love them, and i would've liked to see zack's reactions :)

12 hours from now i'll be being tattooed :)

my love, my light, my soul will be here day after tomorrow :)

my family will also be here day after tomorrow :) haven't seen them in 6 months...

i have a great couple of days to look forward too!!
Jessica 8:06 PM

Tuesday, July 03, 2001

*yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawns* i've been really tired all day for some reason. i think i get enough sleep... but i don't really keep track of it. anywho... today was alright i suppose. ate a huge ass lunch, and *then* adam wanted to go to mike's! that punk. so i went anyway, and talked while he ate. then a little while later we went over to john's, and adam scanned more pics for him while i sat around... and while i was there, i got inspired!! with some helpful ideas from adam, i've decided that i'm going to incorporate my lovely gecko tattoo into a back piece. my whole back won't be covered, but it will basically span my whole back. put some foilage behind my gecko, extend that into a vine, have the vine snake down my back, with flowers and leaves branching off, and maybe put a snake in there :) mmm, its going to be soooo pretty!!! i'm excited :)

then we came here, took some pics, ordered a pizza, watched NIN videos (did i mention i *love* trent reznor??!), took more pics... and here i am! :P

as a side note... i really miss my dan...
Jessica 10:30 PM

Monday, July 02, 2001

lalala... my third post of the day. actually... i guess its technically tuesday! anywho. today was alright, didn't do much after we got internet back. kinda sat on my computer for awhile :) adam and i went to rendezvous, so adam could give him back his taper, and adam was gonna work on his website, but he was in the middle of a tattoo and we decided we'd come back later. while looking through some flash, i fell in love with this awesome little dragonfly.... decided that i would definitely have it on me some day :)

so we came home, then went out with aaron and logan to play some frisbee :) that was lots of fun, nice warm sun and cool grass! aaahhh.... so then adam and i went back to rendezvous and adam started scanning pics and stuff for the website, and i asked john how much it would be for my cute little dragonfly, on my ankle. he said $40!! that's a fucking incredible price for this particular piece, i'm glad my artist loves me :) so then a bit later, we were about to leave, and john says that if its ok with adam, he'll do the tat for free!!! see, adam's been helping him tons with his computer, and in exchange, john will do piercings and tattooes. well adam is pretty much done with piercings, so he lets me have some instead! well adam said that it was fine!! so we set a time, and i'll be getting new ink on thursday morning. i'm so excited!! aaaahhhh! hehe, very generous of adam! so far, out of him helping john, i've gotten 3 free piercings and now i'll have a new tat. very cool. thank god for computer geek roommates!

anywho... and yeah, a couple posts ago i talked about moving... since then i've gotten a few concerned responces :) not to worry, its just till the end of the summer! i'll be back here for semester classes :) but i'll have fun while i'm there!

i think is my bedtime. goodnight :)
Jessica 10:09 PM

WE HAVE INTERNET IN THE CONDO AGAIN! hehe, woohoo!! :)
Jessica 2:41 PM

we still don't have internet in the condo. so where am i? you guessed it, the math emporium. bleh. the internet is much more enjoyable from home, imo. adam talked to the naxs people today, they said its possible we may have it back up by today. we'll see i guess...

yesterday was ok i suppose. i left here and went to kroger to buy some food, as i was starving, then went home only to realize that adam and aaron were gone... and i didn't have my keys. so i was locked out with frozen food and milk. not fun. i sat there for awhile, not really knowing what to do, then remembered that the sliding glass door is always unlocked. however, the difficult part was trying to climb up onto the balcony. its about half a story above the ground, something like that. so i left my groceries at the front door, and ran around the back of the building. i tried to climb up, but my upper body just isn't strong enough to pull this big ass over :) so then i thought i'd go to the dumpster and see if there was anything there i could bring over and stand on. and there was this big block of wood!! so i lugged it over, stood on it, and pulled myself over. adam and aaron came home about 2 hours later. heh, so its a damn good thing i figured that out. except my knees are all scraped, but that's alright.

so anyway, then a little later i dyed my hair all black with the dye i got from kroger. i swear i was made to have black hair. it looks a lot better on me than brown hair! so yeah, that was cool. then a little later adam, aaron, and i went to see AI. that was an awesome movie. totally blew me away, not at all what i expected. yeah, then i came home, talked to dan for a bit, read, and went to sleep. that's all.

i've been trying to figure out how to manipulate my blog template so that it looks cooler... but i have no idea where to start. you'd think that having created an html personal website i could do this. but no, i can't :/ so... i might mess around with it more, i dunno. right now i'm going to go home and eat. i've been here for hours.
Jessica 12:20 PM

Sunday, July 01, 2001

and here we go :) my millionth attempt at a blog that i'll actually keep up. not likely, but its worth a shot i suppose.

so i'm sitting here today, in the god damn math emporium. you know, i guess this place isn't that bad when you don't have to come here for math. quiet, comfy chairs, nice computers (even though they're macs -- boo!), but most importantly, INTERNET! yes, our lovely friend the internet resides here. every computer is connected. thank god i live right behind this place. our internet in the condo is broke. i don't know why, and the morons down at net access are incompetant. who knows when it'll be fixed. which is why i sit here in the emporium for hours at a time. i really think i'm addicted to the internet. is that a bad addiction?? who knows. i didn't realize it until i didn't have a connection at home. now i come and sit here cuz i GOTTA HAVE MY FIX!

ahh... the internet... what a lovely creation. so i'm moving in a week! to arlington, for the rest of the summer. i'm both happy and sad. sad because i really like where i'm living, i love my roomies :) i'll miss going to mike's with adam everyday, stuff like that. and i'll miss having a room of my own, and that NICE BED! hehe... happy because i'll be saving a lot of money, it'll be easier to find a job, and i'll be with my dan everyday!! that's the best part, of course ;) this whole seeing him every two weeks just doesn't work for me :P so i think it'll be nice :) one more week... dan, HERE I COME!! :)
Jessica 11:58 AM